Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Liveblogging The Scion Of Ikshvaku - I

So I bought into the hype and purchased a copy of The Scion of Ikshvaku by Amish the previous day. I had skipped his Meluha series (simply because there was so much attention around it) and so I actually had no impression about his writing, other than that it was hugely popular. I started reading it this morning, and it wasn't the most pleasant of experiences - I ended up sitting down on my desk with a pencil and started circling and underlining sentences and passages. I gave it the benefit of doubt for about 1 more chapter after which I had SO many thoughts that I felt that I should actually live-blog reading it. This book has 30 chapters, so I'm going to divide this into 6 posts of 5 chapters each - assuming ofcourse, that I actually finish it. So here goes! (keep refreshing the page for updates)

Chapter 1
The book begins with Rama trying to shoot something and the generic descriptions of his lean-ness, tall-ness, etc.
"It's moving Dada" whispered Lakshman to his elder brother.
While I understand the need to italicise Dada in order to highlight Lakshman's secret bong-ness, I don't understand why "his elder brother" is highlighted. What is the special emphasis for? I've this habit of reading italicized text in Kamal Hassan's voice so this is just making the book unnecessarily dramatic for me.

Ram however, doesn't seem to be too concerned about Lakshman's loud whispering and is more concerned about releasing the arrow. Ram of course, kills the deer a whopping 4 paragraphs later despite Lakshman's constant whispering in his ear and after making some vital adjustments to his interfering angavastram (did you read it in Kamal's voice too?), which, as a frequent saree wearer, I can relate to.

Ram and Lakshman then go to the dead deer and profusely apologise ancient apologies and pray that it's soul will find purpose. I'm fairly certain that that dead deer's soul, upon hearing this, would've been like othadei

Anyway Ram and Lakshman are walking back talking about how there is some conspiracy that is afoot and Lakshman is fairly convinced that Bharat has something do with it but Ram's like Lakshman! and if this was a tamil serial they'd be alternating between their shocked and defiant faces with a guy wailing in the background but it's not.

Now there is a mention of Jatayu, who Lakshman refers to as Vulture Man because of his big nose and bald head. So apparently Jatayu is a Naga, a class of people who are "born with deformities" and were ostracised in Sapt Sindhu, the Land of the Seven Rivers. This is all wrong, because per Hindu mythology, Jatayu, is the son  nephew (thanks @kskarun!) of Garuda (the Eagle), who happened to be the greatest enemy of the Nagas. Calling Jatayu a Naga is one thing, BUT OSTRACIZING A RACE BECAUSE THEY HAD LARGE NOSES? OH THE HUMANITY!

Ok this is getting better. Ram and Lakshman are minutes away from their camp when they hear it.
A forceful scream!
A forceful scream. A FORCEFUL SCREAM - which begs the question: what the hell is a forceful scream? What is this scream forcing you to do?

The  distance made faint her frantic struggle. But it was clearly Sita. She was calling out to her husband. 
"...Raaam!"
"...Sitaaaaa!"
This is a slightly condensed version of the paragraph but I could read this part a 100 times and never stop feeling amused.

So Ram and Lakshman are running and Sita is screaming and it's all very dramatic, when:

"They heard the loud whump, whump, whump of Rotor Blades....This was Raavan's legendary Pushpak Vimaan, his flying vehicle"
ROTOR BLADES. ROTOR BLADES. This isn't the Pushpak Vimaan (which could actually be a great brand name for men's underwear. Pushpak Vimaan Baniyans and Jattis. Pushpak Vimaan, Saare Jahaan. Sounds good), it's the fucking Marine One or something. ROTOR BLADES. Excuse me. I need a minute.

So after Ram's seen the Lanka One take off with Sita, he spots a wounded Jatayu, who is very helpful in giving him this key piece of information "Raavan's...kidnapped...her" before he drops dead.

"SITAAAA"
The chapter ends thus. Normally I would stop reading here, but today I am in the mood to soldier on.


Chapter 2
The book is going back 33 years to the Port of Karachapa in the Western Sea to a pretty intense flashback. Dashrath (pronounced "Dash-rat") is offering prayers to Parshu Ram for a victorious campaign. There is a bit of backstory about how he made the empire more prosperous and had become "Chakravarti Samrat, or the Universal Emperor" (I hope you're reading it in Kamal Hassan's voice as well).
Anyway, so the kingdom is in pretty deep shit with the wars and everything because Dashrath is an elitist Kshatriya Douchenugget who has no regard for the trading class despite reaping huge profits from the "Trader King", Kubaer (this guy really needs a primer on how to use vowels efficiently).

So Kubaer got a little tired of Dashrath's shitty behaviour and did some cost cutting, thereby cutting a portion of the commission which King D believed was his. Shots were fired (I'm just using a popular phrase here, but given this book and the rotor blade incident I wouldn't be surprised if one of the soldiers had a 17000000 BC Machine gun) and now Dashrath is ready to get into war and teach him a lesson despite petty concerns like his resources which have been stretched out immensely and the fact that the treasury has no money.

"Apparently, My Lord, " said Mrigasya, "it is not Kubaer who is calling the shots"
Ok so I totally (almost) predicted this. Ofcourse Kubaer isn't calling the shots, because it is 17000000 BC and movies weren't invented then and therefore neither were directors, the men who directed the scenes and literally "called the shot" which is from where this phrase is derived. But according to the author, Kubaer isn't calling the shots because his "head of trading security force" is.

*dramatic pause*

"His name is Raavan" 
So the book now briefly moves to Kosala, where there is some history about Dashrath's 3 wives and about how Kausalya is about to go into labour ("it appeared to be the real thing"). Thankfully the paragraph ends soon after, and we are back at the war scene.

Dashrath and Kubaer ("the fabulously wealthy trader") are trying to negotiate for peace one last time, but Fab-K, though nervous, doesn't back down and cites decreasing trade margins as a reason for the cuts. Dashrath tries to make him see reason with some impeccable logic, such as:
"I am not a trader! I am an emperor! Civilized people understand that difference"  
This unsuccessful meeting ends with Dashrath yelling some more, only for Raavan (with his "rippling musculature" and other such 50 shades of Grey type qualities) to openly smirk at Dashrath and tell him that he will be defeated by the Lankan armies.

"I assure you, I'll be waiting," said Jagdish Raavan
The rest of the chapter is essentially Dashrath screaming to Kaikeyi while she feeds him roti.

Chapter 3
Only two more and we can all go to bed! Kausalya is having trouble giving birth because instead of focussing on pushing the baby out all she can think about is how King D totes ignores her all the time now.
"All she desired was a fraction of the time and attenion that Dashrath lavished on his favourite wife, Kaikeyi"
Oh but it gets better.

"She soldiered on determinedly, refusing the doctor permission to perform a surgical procedure to extract the baby from her womb"
The only thing that is missing now from the scene is Venniradai Moorthy going "Nurse, sub-zero solution".

Kausalya continues to devote her energy to doing everything except pushing the baby out. Now she's thinking about the name, and decides that he will be named after The Sixth Vishnu, followed by some explanation about how Vishnu isn't a god, but a title etc. Whatevs. She decides on Ram.

Cut to Kind Doucherath who is taking on "Kubaer's eunuch forces" (seriously?). After great deliberation and strategising, he chooses suchivyuha, which is actually the same formation which I remember watching in 300, except there's no rock around them and they're on a beach and surrounded by ships and a fort which house impeccable archers who shoot arrows left right and centre. Dashrath gets stabbed and falls, but only after about 7 paragraphs of him going on in capslock.

Kaikeyi decides that it's up to her to save her husband now and charges on to the field to retrieve her husband. She gets pretty pissed on the way too.

"Damn you, Lord Surya!"
Damn you, Lord Surya. Damn you. Damn.

She does manage to save her husband - although she does get injured by an arrow because she thought the soldier would be chivalrous and let her pass (with a cup or three of tea maybe). Yay!

We're back at Kosala now. Kausalya has delivered a boy! A boy who was born exactly at midday - which brings a bit of a conundrum because according to their astrologer, a boy born before midday would be remembered as the greatest in history, and a boy born after midday would suffer great personal misfortune. "Are you sure he was born exactly at midday?" the astrologer asks. Yes, I checked it on my Casio Digital watch with calibrated time sensors", said the doctor. [Not a line in the book, but should be].

Chapter 4
Sage Vashishta, the royal sage of Ayodhya rolls in to town. Some gandalf like descriptions follow. We find out that after the war, Ayodhya has, predictably, fallen into penury, but hasn't lost power because it's subordinates are even weaker. Then we get to hear some history - but not just any ordinary history, the history of creation itself, and how the Ayodhyans (not to be confused with Anirudhians) viewed themselves. This is some amazing shit.

"It was believed that at the centre of the universe of this primeval ocean, billions of years ago, the universe was born when The One, Ekam, split into a great big bang, thus activating the cycle of creation.....the One God, Ekam, popularly known in modern times as Brahman or Paramatma"
Modern times, guys. Modern times. Anyway, after more boring history about the once great Ayodhya, Vashista takes some time to look at the Braavos style statues in the entrance of the city, which is of the Hindu trinity of Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva, but Amish has really put in some effort in ensuring that we will never be able to figure out if they are Gods or if they are men. Mahadev is a title, as is Vishnu, and Brahma is "one of the greatest scientists ever".

I am, in honesty, ok with this, because the paragraphs that follow in this chapter make the previous chapters seem like they were written by Rushdie. So Vashishta offers prayers to the trinity because he is about to start a rebellion. They are amazing prayers, after which he takes some soil from the ground and slaps it on his forehead, Yejaman Rajni style.

"This soil is worth more than my life to me. I love my country. I love my India"
This is all very patriotic and amazing EXCEPT IT'S A RETELLING OF THE RAMAYANA AND THIS IS VASHISHTA AND HOW THE FUCK CAN HE LOVE INDIA HOW THE FUCK CAN HE EVEN SAY IT'S INDIA IT'S FUCKING 1700000 BC I AM SORRY I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.

"A small group of people walked solemnly in the distance, wearing robes of blue, the holy colour of the divine"
The absurdity doesn't stop. It just doesn't stop. Robes! Ayodhya had holy people who wore robes! Wouldn't be surprised if there's a mention of the Ayodhyan Pope next.

Now we find out that Dashrath has 4 sons in all now, apart from Ram, and that Vashishta has his eyes set on Ram and Bharat because one of them would help him fulfill his mission. Vashishta then draws his ancient scabbard which has been inscribed with the words Parshu Ram in "an ancient script", but looks suspiciously like emoji. The chapter ends with Vashishta taking a blood oath to "make his rebellion succeed, or die trying."

If only I had taken a brain oath to avoid this book.

30th June 2015, 10.30 PM: That's all from me for today, friends! I know I had said I would blog 5 chapters, but surviving 4 was hard enough. I'll be back tomorrow if you guys want the liveblog, that is. Let me know if you do!

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

What a Karvaad

[I had posted this in my Gif Blog (I have a gif blog, guys), and I thought that it merited a cross post, so.]  





The phrase “What a Karvaad” originated in the hugely popular comedy film,  “Singaravelan”, which released in the early 90s. Literally translated, it means, “What a dried fish!”, which isn’t really something that you’d want to tell someone, but this phrase has been used ever since the movie released (and very much more so the last decade) to express express excitement over something, eg: “Hey man, I just got hired at BigStartup!” “Woah, What a Karvaad! What is the pay like?”

Interestingly, this line was said by Charlie, and not, unlike popular opinion, Vadivelu - the phrase is probably attributed to him because he spouts a great number of hilarious lines in the film (which are still very popular in modern tamil pop culture today, most notably, Onga Sattae Mele Evlooo Button). 

Anyway, the reason I am writing this is because I just had a horrible day dream (a daymare?) where, about 15 years in the future, I said “Woah, What a Karvaad” to my kid, and then she googled it, and landed up at a youtube video of Dhanush doing Kutthu dance and decided that that was where I must have got this phrase from.  

Saturday, March 14, 2015

A Short Post

Confession: The first thing I thought of when I opened the "Post" page to talk about my birthday, was to write a "26 Things You Learn When You're 26" listicle - it's become a bit of a disease. Anyway, I started this post out thinking I'll dole out age based advice, but I'm not going to because there's enough on this blog already.

I know you don't particularly care to know, but I insist on informing you that I am doing well. Job's going well, I've been getting some nice writing assignments, I'm yet to give up on anything good this year, I've been giving some time for hobbies, and of course, I'm still getting sly tweeted about, which as we all know, is one of the greatest barometers of success in 2015.

I'm working on a pretty exciting project right now, which I'll tell you guys about, soon-ish. Also, if you're one of the grand total of five people who enjoy The Daily Dinosaur, great news! It's up and running again. I hope you're having a good weekend! 

Monday, February 9, 2015

Yennai Arindhaal

What really frustrated me about Yennai Arindhaal was the severely predictable Gautham Menon police movie elements - the middle class dad of the 80's who constantly talks in English about following your heart, the modern, strong independent heroine who pursues the hero, the heroine with a past who you know is going to die a gruesome death, Daniel Balaji, and ofcourse, the adopted daughter. The only missing element in this movie, surprisingly, was the mention of love-making phrase. (Edit: I know he talks about going to the medical shop, but it isn't the mention of sex as much as it is the actual reciting of the phrase "I want to make love to you" that I'm talking about)
Other than that, I actually enjoyed the movie. Ajith is such a good looking guy, really, and in the flash back with the moustache on, first class. It was evident that he stuck to the brief that he received from his director, and it worked, unlike Anushka's Zooey Deschanel inspired haircut. Arun Vijay though, what a guy! This movie is his big break and I totally see him being cast as a six pack having savvy gangster dude with a mildly high pitched voice in a lot of movies henceforth. If only he'd button his shirt now.
Trisha & Ajith are actually a very cute screen couple. It'd be nice to see more of them on screen. I'm pretty curious to see where her acting career goes now with getting married and everything.
On the whole, I liked Yennai Arindhaal, despite it being about 20-25 minutes too long. If you like Ajith, you will love this movie. Seriously, what a good looking guy. 

Monday, January 5, 2015

A Gif For Monday

So, I was watching Thiruvalaiyadal yesterday (let's just call it research) and for those of you who haven't watched the film, I recommend it heartily purely based on the entertainment quotient that lies in Sivaji's epic Thaandavam.

While the entire Thaandavam needed to be condensed into a reaction gif to express un-expressable levels of anger, there was one particular moment for me which I just HAD to gif and share, stat.






Hope you're having a good Monday, and if you want an entire collection of Sivaji Ganesan gifs, leave a comment! 

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

2014 in Review

Another year is upon us! As it is with every new year that sneaks upon us every December, I hate it already. I was very sure that 2014 would be crappy, but looking back, it wasn't as crappy as I had initially expected it to be. Here is a personal roundup -

1. I used a planner for the whole year - I've been buying a planner every year the last five years but 2014 was the first year where I actually used it to plan my day as opposed to my usual ritual of writing one sentence and then using it for bookshelf beautification. I think the key to like, really making the most of your planner is by using it purely on a day to day basis. Don't waste time on filling out birthdays in the "Months" section because it's 2014, and we've all got facebook for that.

2. I learned to be more ambitious...and more open to failure - Failure and me, we're like those two people who aren't really friends, but have like 3571 mutual friends and keep commenting and annoying each other on our common friend's wall posts. We don't know each other, but we know each other, you know what I mean - the dude is always lurking. This year, I finally sent out that friend request. I started a lot of projects this year, some were great, some were O-K and some, I don't even know what I was thinking. But all of them, I started with the knowledge that it was TOTALLY OK if it bombed. That really gave me the freedom to go all out and enjoy myself doing those projects and yes, I didn't do as well as I would've liked, but I had fun, I learned a little more about myself and it's all so much better when failure is a friend. I do not, however, recommend this "friending failure" approach where academics and exams are concerned.

3. I made an effort - So 2014 wasn't really the greatest year where my friendships were concerned. I had always been lazy in that department, but this year a few things happened where I really was affected to the point where I had to totally rethink the way I created my friendships, and how I maintained them. I started from scratch again, did some spring cleaning for the old, neglected ones, and went out and actively built new ones. I honestly am happier now for the effort that I made. Looking back, I'd like to think of the stuff that went down the drain as the hair that you lose when you shower - it wasn't strong enough to begin with, and I know that you're attached to your hair and all, but it'll be gross if you go try pick it up and put it back, and it's just hair anyway, it'll grow back newer, and maybe even better. Analogy mairaatam irundhaalum feeling-a please purinjukonga*.

4. Marriage can be awesome if you're lucky - I think this is the year where I really felt like damn, so this is what it feels like to be married. Marriage is awesome though. I mean, we are polar opposites, my husband and I, and yet we are having plenty of fun. What annoys me though, is when people expect me to wax eloquent of Arranged Marriage. Every time I/we maintain that I/we got lucky (which I/we did), people get really disappointed, like those old Chinese Men with the long mustaches in the Martial Arts movies because I/we failed to defend Arranged Marriage's honour. "But you two had an arranged marriage" they say, "and you two are happy!" We are. We really are. But we also know that Marriage (arranged or otherwise) is kind of like jumping into the sea from the Titanic. Sometimes you get the lifeboat manned by an experienced boatman, sometimes, you're left in the freezing water with someone who's on a wooden plank that's big enough for the both of you and yet won't let you on it while holding on to your hand and claiming to love you all the same.

I'm full of analogies today.


5. I READ MORE BOOKS - I read 20 books this year out of the 24 I had aimed, and that, for me, was the least crappy thing about 2014.


So that was my year. How was yours? Awesome? Crappy? Non-crappy? Just Ok? Here's hoping 2015 is better :)


* - Sorry, but I can't translate this. 

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Farmer Falgu Goes To The Market - A Review

Some time ago, the very wonderful Chitra Sounder posed a question on twitter - would anyone be interested in reviewing a Children's Book, she asked. I volunteered to review, because I like books, and more importantly, I much prefer children's writing to their grown-up counterparts or any other genre for that matter. There are two reasons why - the first being that the writing, I've found, is consistently better, and the second, is that I'm still denial about my own age. Adulthood really doesn't appeal to me.

ANYWAY, Farmer Falgu Goes To The Market is a lovely little book for the little one you know, or have. I would peg the appropriate age group for this book to be the 5-8 category (although I've actually no idea with respect to which age group the publishers have targeted), because I personally felt that each age group would get something different out of the book. The book's about Farmer Falgu who is heading to the local market with all his lovely fresh fruits, vegetables and eggs, but encounters a difficulties on the way (including an adorable duck family and some hungry goats), that ultimately destroy his bounty. Instead of worrying about how everything's been ruined, Falgu proceeds to borrow a few pans and starts selling omelettes instead!

The book is very appealing, visually, and the crayon style illustrations are unique and make the whole story pop, which is quite an achievement considering how the emphasis throughout the book is on sounds (the eggs cracked, the pan sizzled, the oink oinks and the maa-maas), so all credit to Kanika Nair!



I believe that it's important that kids read, for lack of a better word, indigenous writing when they're in that 5-8 age group because it plays an important role in helping them understand what's really around them, like Farmer Falgu and his bullock cart, as opposed to quaint English concepts like Golliwogs and Treacle Pudding (also known as the two great disappointments of my childhood because I was never able to find either of them where I lived despite searching in many places and harassing even more people).

I think it must also be said that Indian Children's Writing, today, is of such better quality when pitted against Indian Fiction Writing in general. When I was younger, and when my parents realized that I liked books, they bought me what they found in the stores then - my mom wasn't really a reader, but she ensured that I got the best. I grew up on the Little Golden Books before I graduated to Enid Blyton and Carolyn Keene before eventually falling into that black hole called Young Adult (I lost many years to the Princess Diaries). My sister, though, went the Dr.Seuss - Roald Dahl route. Although she followed me into the YA Black Hole of No Return, Varsha read a lot more Indian Children's Books than I ever did. Karadi Tales, and Tulika were just getting mainstream. True to form, Karadi Tales have been doing an excellent job all these years, and this book is no exception.

Over all, I really enjoyed this book, and I'm twenty five (I'll be twenty six next year), so if you know any little ones who you want to introduce to good books, do pick up Farmer Falgu Goes To The Market!

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

10 Times You Needed a Captain Gif But Didn't Know Where To Go

Yes I'm still on the Gif trip. Also noticed that Gifs get way more attention than painstakingly thought of & crafted blog posts, so what's a girl to do? Here are ten times when your life needed a Captain reaction and you didn't even know it.

1. When You Upset Your Friend's Dogs (By Just Being Yourself) 



2. Pay Day

OH YEAH
 3. When Your Friend's All "Sorry Man, But I Don't Have Any Alcohol In My Fridge"



4. Watching Your Favourite Character on Game Of Thrones Die



5. When The New (Cute) Girl Smiles At You



6. When You Just Want To Be Left Alone

GO AWAY MAN
 7. When You're Having Some Particularly Dirty Thoughts At Work



8. When You're 3 Drinks Down & Want To Do Shots And Suddenly Your Friend's All, Dude, I Think You've Had Enough (Bonus: Lip Reading!)



9. Your I'm-Seriously-Working Face When You're Actually Watching A Movie (On Media Player) 

10. When You Don't Get What The Joke Is About [Thanks @Dagalti!]


Saturday, October 25, 2014

10 TR Gifs that the internet needs but doesn't deserve

Here's the result of all the hard work that went into watching about 30 youtube videos & 6 TR movies - I have culled the most magnificent TR moments that you never knew your life needed until now -

1. When you come out of the theatre after spending Rs.800 to watch Anjaan on the first day

2. When you see your sibling taking your stuff without telling you

3. When your friends tell you "Don't turn now, but there's a pretty girl right behind you"
Alternatively: When your mother tells you that the wedding you bunked had Pattappa Saapad
4. When you're out clubbing but don't know how to dance


5. When you're out clubbing, don't know how to dance and you're a few drinks down
My PT master taught me this step

6. When you're stalking your ex on facebook and realize s/he's become infinitely hotter


7. When the colleague you don't like tells your boss that you're the perfect candidate for the project that's in the middle of nowhere land. 


8. Showing off your newest crush's facebook photos to your friend

9. When you're having a tough time in the toilet

10. When you have a sick new ride and you're driving it down the road like the coolest dude ever

GOATMOBILE BITCHEZZ



Monday, October 6, 2014

13 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was 13

There appears to be a tag on the rounds - thirteen pieces of wisdom that you wish your 13 year old self knew. No one has asked me to do the tag, which is probably why I'm so eager to type it out this wonderfully busy Monday afternoon. Before I begin though, two major observations - One, I was 13 twelve years ago. Two, I was 13 TWELVE YEARS AGO. I'm pretty sure there's Scotch my age that is being sold with a "vintage" label.

Sad face.

Anyway, here goes:

1. Eat healthy. I know that eating junk food the way you did was nothing short of an art, but I have to tell you that 19 year old you had a really, really, really, really, really, really, REALLY hard time losing the weight you accumulated with your specific diet of top ramen noodles, cheese on everything and potato chips. A thumb rule: 3 Pringles are ok. 3 tubes of Pringles in one go while watching the Johnny Bravo marathon aren't.

2. Don't judge people. This is something you've recently begun to do, miss. Just because someone is 'X' never implies that they are also 'Y'. Everyone has a story, and everyone knows something you don't. The quicker you stop doing this, the less annoying you will be when you grow up.

3. Make strong friendships. This is the age when real friendships are forged. It's good to have "lots of friends" but it is so much more important to forge close friendships - especially of the female kind - invite your friends home, go to their places, don't bunk birthday parties because you were feeling lazy, and spend half an hour after school talking about nothing. When you grow up, they will become the people to whom you can send TR Speaking English videos without the fear of being physically abused.

4. Read. Read everything. You have a great reading habit. Don't get lost in the literary quicksand that is fluffy young adult. Read the classics. Read Shakespeare. Read Russian writing. Read poetry. It all seems overwhelming now, but I promise you'll get it. Put The Princess Diaries down. Please.

5. Get Good Marks. Sorry to sound like Amma, but really - if you can get 80 by not studying and watching Cartoon Network all day, imagine HOW MUCH MORE you'll get if you actually studied. You can be a topper! You're smart enough! Why are you not listening to me? Fine, don't listen to me. They're your marks. YOUR LIFE. Do whatever. I am not paying for your college. *slams door*

6. Play A Sport: Even if you suck at it (which I know you do). Nothing comes automatically, but sport gives you an hour to take the day off, and indulge in something for fun. It gives you team mates, new friends, a different social circle, and makes you an interesting person. Note: Competitive Eating is NOT a sport.

7. Work on Your Writing: So I found something you wrote recently, and while the writing itself was beyond awful, I will tell you that it had a lot of potential. You can be really good if you work on what you have. You will lose a lot of writing competitions in school despite being the English teacher suck-up simply because you were too lazy. Read more. Write even more. Work, work, work. (If you had worked hard, I wouldn't be writing crap in this blog now. I'd have been writing crap in newspaper columns. Sigh)

8. Get back to Paatu Class/ Dance Class: But don't get back to both. One is enough. Get back to dance class. Or Paatu class. But get back.

9. STOP BUYING TURTLENECK T-SHIRTS OHMYGOD. Seriously.

10. Don't Be Embarrassed By Yourself:  Ya. You're chubby. People make fun of you. But guess what, people will make fun of you even after you've dropped the 25 extra kg and got yourself a nice haircut because people, they suck. Don't listen to them. You're pretty cool. Except when you're being whiny and annoying because then you're totally not cool.

11. Geography isn't as difficult as you thought it was: You'd know too, if you actually read it instead of sleeping in class and trying to mug the lesson at 5 AM on the day of your exam.

12. Be More Careful With Your Stuff: I still don't get how you managed to lose your pens on an everyday basis.

13. Boys Your Age Are Stupid: If you must absolutely have a crush on someone, pick an older boy - in fact there is a really cute boy with the most incredible brown eyes and half a pair of dimples about 4 batches senior to you in Vidya Mandir. Keep an eye on him but for heaven's sake don't creep him out the way you creep other guys out THIS IS IMPORTANT OKAY.


Please note: The views expressed in this blog are the author's own. However, she is not responsible for the comments that have been left on the page and the same need not necessarily reflect her viewpoint on the same and are entirely the commenters' own. Ok, now read the rest of the blog already.