Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Parents say the darndest things

The real world is not a Karan Johar movie. And as thankful as we should be that our parents don't go prancing about in very fancy clothes, we must not discount the fact that they're loonies in their own right. Lovable loonies, but loonies nonetheless. In order to survive understand them, one must understand the language they speak. So here's a list of 10 statements that parents generally make, translated!

10. WHAT THEY SAY :
"Who's that boy/girl?"

WHAT THEY MEAN:
"That's not my future son-in-law/daughter-in-law, right?"


9. WHAT THEY SAY :
"Culture has changed so much these days"

WHAT THEY MEAN:
"Just because everyone is doing it, doesn't mean you get to"


8. WHAT THEY SAY :
"You can wear it if YOU want to"

WHAT THEY MEAN:
"Its way too short, paati would be frothing mad!"


7. WHAT THEY SAY :
"Now that you're grown up, you have to remember that you have certain responsibilities"

WHAT THEY MEAN:
"You're too big for us to physically reprimand, so please, listen to what we say"


6. WHAT THEY SAY :
"Mr.X's son/daughter is lovely. He/She does all the work at home and still manages top grades"

WHAT THEY MEAN:
"Where did we go wrong?"


5. WHAT THEY SAY :
"What's on facebook that you spend so much time on it?"

WHAT THEY MEAN:
"If you don't tell me the truth, I'll be creating a profile very, very soon."


4. WHAT THEY SAY :
"You won't understand now. When you have your own child, you will"

WHAT THEY MEAN:
"Hopefully by then, I'd have understood it too"


3. WHAT THEY SAY :
"Back in the day, we never spoke back to our parents!"

WHAT THEY MEAN:
"....It wasn't like they listened the first time anyway."


2. WHAT THEY SAY:
"I just want you to know that I am totally cool with dating. Just keep me informed.."

WHAT THEY MEAN:
"..So that I can lock you up the moment you do"


1. WHAT THEY SAY:
"You spend so much! Back in the day, we never used to ask our parents for any kind of pocket money"

WHAT THEY MEAN:
"We just collected in bulk as dowry."


While most of this post was conceived by my very large and awesome brain, He also helped. Little bit. Thanks anna :)

PS: No parents were harmed for the purposes of this post.


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Monday, June 15, 2009

Tales from the Exam Hall

"Writing pad? What am I, in fifth standard?"

The desk i was given in the exam hall was about as flat as the Himalayas. It had peaks, tunnels, canals and even railway lines. There were so many holes that I ended up punching holes in a lot of places in my paper, the result of which was akin to a paper written in braille. I just hope my examiners understand.
Braille, that is.




"What-ayr. Yenebody What-ayr"

It was my first CA exam. Accountancy. A totally unexpected paper which meant more pressure for my already pickled brain. I had been allocated the first bench which meant that I had an open view to the door. At one point of time, I was so frustrated that I started looking out of the door, just to clear my head up for a few minutes. As i was looking out the door, suddenly this big mustache-having man stormed into the room. I was petrified, what if I had broken a rule? He looked at me straight in the eye and asked - "What-ayr?"
I had a whole glass.



"I am so scared ya! Did you study Rebate u/s 89(1)? I heard it was a sure question. What about all those chapter VI A deductions? Aiyo I am so confused! And capital gains! That section 55 is a SURE question ya!"

The biggest mistake I had done for my tax paper was report to the exam hall around 20 minutes before time. There was this super-nerd in my room who insisted on going through her entire study schedule with me, complete with formulae revision at the rate of 900 words per minute. Which meant that not only did I lose all my confidence in the subject, I had also forgotten pretty much (or pretty little) of what I had learned and ended up screwing my paper. The next exam, I knew she'd be there, so I reported...20 minutes early again. And then it was my turn to revise everything that I had studied, complete with obscure references.
Elaam oru job satisfaction.


"School-a illa Fish market a? An exam is in progress!"

We were writing our exam from 1 to 4, which naturally coincided with both the school's lunch break as well as the final bell. There was a consistent buzz which was always present, and truth be told was really annoying, but some things just can't be helped. During one such paper, the headmistress of the school decided to go on rounds and decided that she had to scream the same line at every single class in our floor, and the ones above and below us.
In all honesty, we preferred the students squealing to her.



"Dei, enakku indha paper-la english-ey purila da"
[I didn't get the english in this paper da]

The standards of english were particularly high in the auditing paper, which meant that our paper was full of words which one generally comes across only in GMAT books. The result, well, almost every one had interpreted each question in their own unique way. As it is with all my exams, I didn't even bother to check what the right answer was.
It's not like I can change it, so why check?



"For the first exam, I went with R. The paper was easy. The second exam, I went with S, it was relatively difficult. The third exam, I went with B. Turns out I had prepared for the wrong paper."

As it is with most people, I had a rather queer set of superstitions concerned with the exam. I had my lucky (and also battered and half broken) fossil watch which I had worn for my boards and CPT and I had this superstition that my dad had to come with me to the exam centre. When I explained this to him, he recalled his own intermediate experience where he went with one of his friends, B, only to find out that he had come prepared for the wrong exam (he had made a mistake with the time table, he had prepared for law, while the paper was actually auditing)!
He cleared.

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Saturday, May 30, 2009

Studied and Saw..

Just wanted to stop by and dust a few cobwebs.
Exam to start in 2 days and here I am, without a worry in the world. I'm telling you, this is not me at all, usually I end up breaking a couple of blood vessels, throw a few things around, create mini nuclear explosions etc. However this time around I am totally stress free.
I think its the approach, I have become very Rajnikanth these days, quoting meaningless himalayan philosophies everywhere I go, much to my mother's annoyance. Truth be told, she's more scared of the exam than I am.
I don't see the point though, examination is just a process, and this time I'm studying purely for the knowledge and not for passing.
I'll study to pass in my next attempt I think.

Wish me luck anyway! Will be back June 12th :)




PS: Just in case you were wondering, the title of this post is inspired by a popular tamil song which has been my motto through out the holidays.


More bad translation (due to fear of chappal throwing, which seems to
be on its way to becoming an olympic sport, only the first stanza has been translated)

Studied and saw didnt get in head
Drunk and saw then i was well read
Smiled and saw, she said no no
Stared and saw, then she wanted to go!


Inspired, I know.


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Saturday, May 2, 2009

When pigs fly




























For the tamilically challenged:
A wayward punch dialogue made by Superstar Rajnikanth about how pigs are individuality lacking creatures spurs the swinedom into avenging the insult. The result, swine flu.

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