Cali, Cut.

A wise man once said, " enna dhaan periya 5 star-la thanginaalum veetu bathroom-la onnuku pora sogame thani " Truer words never sp...

A wise man once said, "enna dhaan periya 5 star-la thanginaalum veetu bathroom-la onnuku pora sogame thani"
Truer words never spoken.

Kerala was good, pretty as a postcard. We were very well taken care of.

Unlimited supply of nendranga chips!

Something that was particularly interesting about this trip was the fact that all the managers thought I was some kind of 'homely girl'. Let me elaborate.
Lunch. We eat with the managers.
It had been a particularly long day and I plopped onto my seat, very tired. When I'm very tired, I tend to swear. When I was 7 or 8, I used to say 'aiyo amma', I remember my thatha telling me, 'don't say aiyo, its bad, in fact whenever you're feeling bad, say Narayana instead, umaachi will come and help you.' So my habit started then, whenever I'm in a mood to swear and there are people in-front-of-whom-you-really-don't-want-to-be-caught-swearing I usually say "Narayana". That day, my back was kinda hurting, so when I sat down, it became acute for a moment. I couldn't go 'fuck'. Instead I said 'Narayana'. The Zonal Manager decided to get all witty on me and went "oh, you are saying Narayana at this age itself, like a Paatima" (Granny).
I got mildly pissed. I asked him, "Yen sir, perumal paer sonna enna thappu? punyam kadaikkum" (what's wrong in saying Narayana? You can collect good karma this way).
So he goes "Yes ma, but now is the age to do all the wrong things, you can collect punya later."

I bend down and peer into my plate to prevent anyone from seeing me guffaw. Poor chap didn't know that I needed all the punya I could possibly get. We eat. Midway, the ZM passes the beans to me.
Zonal Manager: "Indha ma, beans saapdu"
(here, have some beans")
Me (in a meek voice): Illa sir, thanks, enakku beans pudikaadhu.
(No sir, thanks, but I really dont like beans)
ZM:Apo enna saapduva? Pavakka? Podlanga? Avarakka? Vendakka?
(Then what do you have? Bittergourd? snake gourd? some-weird gourd? Okra?)
I shake my head vigourously to show my intense dislike for the gourd family.
ZM: Apo pizza? burger? chinese?

I think. Frankly, I have had enough of pizza, I can't really stand that stuff anymore. Burgers are a bore and my liking for Chinese food starts and ends with Topramen smoodles. I'm a Pasta-Mexican-Sub-sandwich-Frankie person.
I wonder if I should mention the pasta bit but I shake my head anyway.

ZM:Oh my! You really don't know how to enjoy life!
Another Manager: Sir, these people are homely girls, confined to their homes. Konjam conservative.

Oh yes, me, temple-going, south-indian-meals-only-eating, filter-coffee-making, ACHUCHO-saying,very conservative Chutney girl. I found it so incredibly funny that I couldn't even laugh. I just continued to look into my plate. And they continued to think that they were right.

Sometimes, ignorance really is bliss.

You Might Also Like


  1. Funny post, right from the first line. :-)

    When he was making fun of your "Narayana", you could have responded, "Saar, naan peg adikum podhu kooda 'Krishna' sollindu thaan adippen" [even when I have a peg, I say 'Krishna']. On the other hand, always good to have a demure image and raise hell behind closed doors, than vice versa.

    P.S. Welcome back.

  2. Ah...the good-gurl image! Works each 'n every time. Strike an impression as a dainty village girl the first time, and you're absolved of all misdeeds for life-even if you burn the roof down.
    But, we all know that bad-girls have all the fun :P

    Peace.Welcome back. :)

  3. Ai what is the Zonal Manager's initials?

  4. @BPSK:
    LOL, samma dialog, will remember it the next time i somebody asks me the same question.

    Nothing like a good dose of chamathu to put 'em off our scent, eh?

    asku-busku sollamaateney! :P

  5. Just spoke to ZM. He was like

    "Yaar anda ponnu. School ponna? Apa kuda CA."

    Then my cousin sis, his daughter, was like "Yeah, Appa has a fixation for beans:)."


  6. It's a ludicrously small world I say.
    So much for that.
    I hope you 'maintained' my image.

  7. haha, narayana synonymous to fuck? good lord, sheesh :D
    hilaaaarious! :)

    cheers to the homely, chutney girl lol :P

  8. oy, what does "enna dhaan periya 5 star-la thanginaalum veetu bathroom-la onnuku pora sogame thani" mean?

    if you are going to type in..err.. is it tamil?? anyway, a translation would be grateful.

    and... my my, fuck becomes narayana. Oh the humor is too much.
    Can I blog on this? please.

    also liked the idea of doing bad deeds now and collecting the good karma later in life philosophy.

    have had enough of PIZZA? can't really stand that stuff..."stuff".

    SACRILEGE! PIZZA IS THE MOST HEALTHIEST FOOD OF ALL TIME!!! with all the olives and tomatos and capsicums and corns on top, its a nutritionist's top recommended food. Course I prefer if the cheese is there too but hey, can't complain too much. :)

    lol, sometimes its fun to let others think of you as a saint.

    don't forget me asking you whether I can write something related to this post.

  9. @Busy writer
    Oh lord is right.

    Yes, permission granted, lol.
    And frankly, I think I've had too much of pizza. I'm on a pizza sabbatical. :P

    Oh and the phrase literally means, "no matter how big a 5 star hotel you stay in, there's nothing quite as special as pissing in your own bathroom."

    Charming, i know.

  10. Enjoyed this post, as I have all the others! The freakiest thing was, after sneakily re-reading this post at a client place (I'm a fellow articled slave ;)), I went up to have lunch with the Finance Manager and there, available in abundant quantity were BEANS...

    I didn't take some (who would?) and believe it or not, I was about two seconds away from the very same beans lecture that you got.(I could see it building up inside the moment I answered his question - "Won't you have some beans?" with a firm negative.)

    I thought I'd escaped that when I answered that I would be eating the same at home (ya, right!). So I get home that night, and on the menu for dinner was - you guessed it - BEANS...

    Sure you didn't jinx this post??

    Also, this is a VERY long comment - sorry! :p Jus had to let you know that you're not alone in the battle against beans....


Cancel Reply


Please note: The views expressed in this blog are the author's own. However, she is not responsible for the comments that have been left on the page and the same need not necessarily reflect her viewpoint on the same and are entirely the commenters' own. Ok, now read the rest of the blog already.

Follow me on Instagram