I have currently been posted on audit at this incredible place called Andhra Club (ASCA, officially). Incredible because, the moment you ste...

I have currently been posted on audit at this incredible place called Andhra Club (ASCA, officially). Incredible because, the moment you step in there, its like you've jumped across a few 1000 miles and stepped into Andhra Pradesh. The rapid telugu, the smell of biriyani, the "muhaha-you-are-tamil" looks and of course, their major obsession with bling-bling.
My colleague (he had already been in this audit twice) had warned about the finance department though. Apparently they were not too helpful and had a rather incomprehensible sense of humour. Incomprehensible he said, because they'd keep talking in telugu (which he had no knowledge of) and laugh.
A day or two into the audit later, our team had gone to the finance department to get a few queries clarified. As we were talking, an attender came with packets of buttermilk and offered it to us, which we declined. It was 11 am and we weren't thirsty. When the finance manager saw us declining, he started in Telugu again.
Here's an interesting fact, I know Telugu. Whenever there's nothing good going on in the channels I usually watch, I see Gemini TV. 3 or 4 colourful '80s Telugu movies later, I could understand the language pretty well. And my father spoke good telugu so we would conversate in that language to piss my mother off.
Anyhow, the manager started talking about how we declined buttermilk because that and curd rice was what we always eat at home anyway and on cue, everyone there smirked. My colleagues didn't have a clue obviously, they just went about their work.
When we came back to the auditor's room, my feeling was more of amusement than irritation. Ignorance is a funny thing. My colleagues were ignorant of telugu and our extremely witty manager was ignorant of the fact that one particular thayir saadham case had a rather large molaga hidden inside.
10 minutes later, my senior sent me to the department again to get some A4 sheets. As I went in, smirks went round again. I walked up to the manager.
"Sir, Naaku A4 sheet kaawali"
(sir, I want A4 sheets)
"Meeru Telugu...matladuthaara?"
(you...speak telugu?)
"Manager gaaru, Naaku baaga telsu"
(Manager sir, i know Telugu very well)
"Oh...ok..sari madam...a4 sheet akkada undhi, teeskundi teeskundi"
(Oh...ok..yes madam, a4 sheets are over there, please take)

And thus, my day was made. Although I wish Andhra Club had surveillance cameras. I would have made a lot of money selling a picture his incredibly deranged mug as a novelty item on eBay.

Andhra Pradesh is known for its extra-spiciness. Its contagious, I tell you. Maybe I should change my name to Gongkura chutney.
On a different note, the staff there now talk to me in telugu which is screwed up considering my speaking skills are half baked while I had peethifyed about my telugu prowess as though I'm NTR's onnu vitta chittapa ponnu. As they say in that gulti-land - Emi Baadha sir iddi.

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  1. Heheh, sema nosecut.
    Btw the previous post was super hilarious. You have a talent. :--)

  2. with bling bling and NTR's onnu veetu chitapa ponnu...

  3. All I know in telugu is "Jarugandi Jarugandi". funny post though :)

    And I guess u and u'r dad would converse in telugu and not conversate.

  4. Cha, you should have continued to keep the guy in ignorance for a few days more and managed to stockpile more comments with which to blackmail him. Funny post :D

  5. you used your astram too soon :p

    You should have waited for them to make more interesting jokes....and then the surveillance camera could have gotten a masterpiece which could have fetched millions :p

    BTW, a similar thing happened with my sis. Some bengali chaps were talking about her in bengali, and were super surprised when she replied to one of their comments with ' I know, my eyes are pretty' in bengali :p


  6. sk
    Dhanyawadhamulu! lol thanks :D

    Don't even get me started on the bling. It's one of the reasons my vision has been deteriorating the past week. ;)

    Arun sundar
    Mikka nandri, and please click.
    Slang machi, slang. Engla maari youths-laam slang only using. :)

    BPSK & Kaushik
    Haha, good point but it was a short audit (we'll finish up by wednesday) so I had to release my err...knowledge. Ippo auditors na thani mariyadhai. :D

  7. Great post! Back in college, we had a whole Telugu nation comprising of seriously spaced out, seriously rich and seriously uncommunicative guys. This nation would converse only in Telugu which kind of deterred conversation. We had a whole bunch of Telugu jokes on the lines of
    "What do you tell a smelly Gult? Change undie"
    " What do you tell a Gult on Friday night? See you mundie"
    and some others which are quite rude.
    And there were these perennial fights between two Gult flavors named Kammas and Reddys. There was one guy we use to call Kamma Chameleon.

    Hmm. Another pointless reminiscence. Naren, you're getting quite senile, you prematurely aged doof.

  8. i'm surprised they didn't offer chicken pickle with buttermilk. :P

  9. ahaha! " particular thayir saadham case had a rather large molaga hidden inside"...naaku chala navvu osthannu, ee bittu! ;) :D

    have u checked this one from ATP?
    its rude but had me rofl for days. :D

  10. "rather incomprehensible humour becasue it is in telugu"..was a very good

    U seem to be Krish ashok's onnnu vitta chittappa ponnu not NTR's :)

  11. Hahahaha! Spot on! I don't know telugu at all...As in, like zilch...all i know if that they r a group of their in college, we had the telugu group, the mallu group and so on...and they would stick together, talk together and so on...funny!

    ROFL@ Shenoy's comment :D

  12. Ahhh. My bad. Telugu english'a marachiduchu.

  13. Telugu was easy to learn for me - I had to learn it cos it's a mandatory second language at all American universities! My formula was simple - use Tamil grammar for sentence structure, use golt pronouns - nenu/meeru/nuvvu and add "-u" to Tamil verbs and nouns - and if that doesn't work add "-u" to a Hindi word with the same meaning - and always end with "babu." (also a generous sprinkling of choice words in Urdu)In about a week, I was indistinguishable from someone from Secundrabad.

  14. Again nice post...

    good to know that you know telugu...

  15. Nice post:);I,despite being a gult myself couldn't help laughing;btw,Andhra club has awesome lunch-I once happened to go there on a sunday and it was the best 'home-made' meals apart from my home.


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