Stop! Or my mom will Superpoke™!

A couple of weeks back, Amma casually sat next to me, near the computer. The moment I saw her "casual" (read: I will now spy on ...

A couple of weeks back, Amma casually sat next to me, near the computer. The moment I saw her "casual" (read: I will now spy on my daughter's apparently shady activities on the internet) look, I switched the browser tab from Facebook to a random photoshop tutorial, a conditioned reflex. But unfortunately, my mother has the eyesight of a rabbit on carrot steroids.
"Facebook a?"
"Yes ma, Facebook"
"I read about it in the newspaper. Why do you always close your facebook when I come nearby?"
"Illa ma, I was done with it, so I closed"
"Anikki, I heard Devi talking about it, she's on facebook la?"
The "Devi" in question was one of my mom's hipper friends from the school's aunty circuit. She'd watch The OC, could find her way about the internet without having her daughter dictate instructions over the phone (unlike my mother) and the lot. So when the friend request came from her, I was not sure of accepting it, because that way, my not-so "chamathu" friends circle would be exposed. However, I did accept, thank the lord for limited profile access.

"I want that facebook"
"Henh?"
"Create one for me, facebook. Adhaan nee onnume pannaliye, edhukku moonju kaatara?"
(Roughly translates to You don't do anything in it right, whats the face for?) My mother is the Chuck Norris of the household. She can make things happen with just one of her stares. And if she wants to, she can swear in a way that would make a sailor blush. Arguing with her was something I never did. If she asked me to do something I didn't want to do, I'd say yes and go to another room. But I literally had no room to get myself out of this situation. I could actually picture her facebook profile. Brrr.
"Unwanted ma"
"I know whats unwanted and whats wanted. I am your mother. Go to that website, now."

There are these times when you desperately hope that there is a God out there, and that he's actually watching your petty life. This was one such time. I bit my tongue and looked at the ceiling, as if he would break through the walls and stand before me. I opened one of my slower browsers, and instead of God, Mr.Murphy made an appearance and you guessed it, IE popped on thew screen in a flash. Amma gave me a triumphant smile, as if she was born for this.
F, i typed. A-C-E-B-O-O-K and the miracle happened - The phone rang and (hallelujah!) it was for Amma. The moment she stood up, I shut the system down and half sprinted to the kitchen for temporary sanctuary.
That night, when she gave me dinner, she had that look on that face. "One of these days paaru...One of these days" she said.
While I gave her my that-day-can-wait smile, deep down inside, I knew the phone call was no coincidence. God had rescued me because he too, had seen what I saw. Amma's potential profile.

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46 comments

  1. Yippee!!! I'm the first to comment...

    Hee...hee...thoroughly enjoyed reading...what a narrration!!!! superb....it happens...

    Even when my mom comes n sits next to me while i'm in front of the pc, i don feel like surfing despite me not doin any mischief...dunno why??? U have any answers...???

    P.S: Do read the latest in ma blog...hope it interests u

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  2. rofl........

    mastering photoshop eh?...Why mom? wait till your cousins invite you. i'll do something.. :p

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  3. Photoshop magic eh ??

    There is nothing worse than adding mom on gtalk list..ever since she started using it..no more jalsa status msgs on gtalk...

    One has to be simply "available" or "busy " on gtalk thats all :(

    Btw:: tat "mordern lifestyle" was a good one :)

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  4. super narration :) It always happens to me when look some guys pic in orkut and i would be changing to next window.. mom asking "why changing to next window im coming???" :D
    once mom said i too feel like starting a blog... I will write about all ur naughtiness there..
    Grrr... when our mom become supermom knowing all our mischiefs and KD stuffs in online ;)
    Im proud that u got a facebook profile for ur mom... Im going to help my mom in her blogging too :)

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  5. hehe, that facebook profile was awesome! LOL at AIIMS!

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  6. You've outdone yourself with this post. Superfunny. Was the fb profile Krishashok (fb Mahabharata) inspired?

    Also, "my not-so "chamathu" friends circle would be exposed."

    That's like the oldest excuse in the book- me so sweet and innocent, but my friends are total rowdies and I'm trying to protect them!

    Luckily for me, my parents are afraid of computers and the Internet so no such scares ever!

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  7. @rajesh
    Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it. :)

    @gradwolf
    Ha, like that's gonna happen. It's a mutual sister thing. Unakku puriyaadhu. :P
    And it wasn't photoshop actually, a really cool javascript trick. :D

    @SGP
    Illa, javascript :D
    Thankfully, my mom is still konjam computer phobic so no gtalk. I'm trying my best to maintain her phobia ;)

    @Tweety
    Oh my mom had that blog idea too, apparently she read some article in the paper about how people are getting book deals because of blogs and was all "Even I want to write". Thankfully, her enthusiasm lasted only for a day.

    @niyantha
    thanks! :)And FYI, the AIIMS are like the next big thing after the KKK. Be afraid, be very afraid.

    @Idling
    Thanks! And I guess you could say that, it was partly inspired by Krish, yea :) Mom's still partly comp-phobic. I'm trying to maintian it. My dad's knowledge of the internet however is restricted to Outlook Express, or "microsoft entourage" which is what he uses on his super sexy Macbook Air. Sigh. I'm losing a daily battle trying to convince him it sucks so that I can get it. Not working at all. :(

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  8. Hahahahaha! This was super hilarious. Pesky cousins on that site are bad enough but I guess it'd be a nightmare if paranoid mothers join in too... "Why did that boy poke you? What does 'poke' mean, anyway?", Who sent you that Vodka shot? What's the whole point of BoozeMail?", "Why's it that your friends are giving you such superlatives?". I'd rather jump off a building. Poor you, how long do you think you can prevent your Supermum from actually coming there? :p

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  9. kalalare po! You actually beat me to it. since yours was posted before, I've given you true credit!

    Loved the AIIMS part, just hope that my mom sticks to gmail and isnt interested in my fee-mails....

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  10. that post was beyond brilliant! my mom and all my aunts are already on facebook, but my mom isn't my friend! :P

    Loved the potential profile! Photoshop?

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  11. mmm..looks like playing with the facebook profiles on javascript is a fad now. Everyone's hooked to it. Nice!
    My poor mom still struggles to even open the browser (paapam!). so, I have nothing to fear. she's been bugging my borther to teach her how to email and stuff though. mmm..is that a sign for me to be weary of something to come?

    LOLoooo...LOLuuu @ AIIMS!

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  12. haaaaaaaaaaaaa.. sooper awesome womannn
    i loved the facebook profile.. totally rocked!

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  13. I don't even understand what Facebook is about, can you believe that?
    I never thought I could spare time for a social networking site. Fun post.

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  14. ahaha@ rabbit on carrot steroids!

    and you ought to create one for paati as well. :D

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  15. sounds like i be the only youngster not on facebook/orkut.

    yeah. this post is real good. some more kalais ala krish ashok on the facebook page would have been cool.

    and some advice. you don't really need to close the facebook page. just scroll down so that the title is not visible. your mom prolly couldn't tell the difference either way and the action is a lot more natural. experience le solren.

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  16. lol...superb..all india iyergar maamis...hahahaha

    rofl at shaniyan...too good!

    PS: i know how you feel, my amma is on facebook too!

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  17. I want to join AIIMS as a lurker. :D

    Btw, Shaniyan is spelt with one 'n'. :P

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  18. This post was a total scream!!!
    Where did you get the profile? ROFL!!
    My mom's on facebook too, and keeps asking to be added as a friend...and I'm thinking ...what the hey?!!

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  19. LOL my mom thinks bad things happen on the internet ;) So, she keeps away!

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  20. oh i can relate 2 it..i can relate 2 it..wowie writin btw

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  21. hei visited your space today. good post.. it takes me back to my college days.. now that I'm away from home, i don't even get to see my mom year round...:(

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  22. This post is HILARIOUS. :) It is quite uncomfortable, imagining my mom getting a Facebook profile. Like you said, thank god for the limited profile option, otherwise my not-so-angelic lifestyle would totally be exposed. (Not like she doesn't already know 99% of everything I do anyway!)

    Btw, I wandered over while blog-hopping thru a bunch of different blogs. Totally cute blog; I enjoyed reading your post!

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  23. @everyone
    Thanks! The profile was made out of javascript. A helluva lot simpler than photoshop. :)

    @BPSK
    Shanniyan, the way amma says it, has 2 'n's. :P

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  24. Hilarious! My mum was riteeeeeee next to me rite now when i opened this and she was like "Coconut chutney aa? yaaru di adu?" and i told her "lavanya, 17, tnagar" and she said (i swear) "oh, girl aa? ok ok...en di, edavadu blog la payyan a pudikavendiyadu dane..engauluku vela micham"

    Sutham!

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  25. Get her on twitter..I look at it as a solution to non-stop mobile calls asking our whereabouts!

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  26. @preeti
    Why am I not surprised? My mom thought blogging was some new fangled way of hooking up too!
    I have a feeling we're related. Lol.

    @nvp
    Vendave vendam!

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  27. ah, the 'ol edit any page bookmarklet
    i've had so much fun with that.

    "I want that facebook"
    haha one helluva threat

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  28. "Never teach the moms how to use the internet.
    Never."- Confounded-Lady

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  29. ooohhhh my god!! Super!!
    Love and enjoy your creativity! :--D

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  30. omg - roflmao!! sitting at work with tears because i was laughing so hard - love the Iyengar Maami community link in the FB page and everything else - learning to type a smiley?! oh goodness - too too funneeee!!!

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  31. Oops!! Cha!! I wish u had a good DOSE from ur MOM!! He he!! Cool one!! U escaped narrowly!! "Yaanai kku oru kaalam vandha poonaikkum varum, koodiya seekkiram!! "

    Tc.

    Cheers,
    Ravi..

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  32. hey soooooo soo very sorry for not visiting your blog for so long.. my stupid blogroll never showed any updates.. will surely be more regular here...
    anf amazing hilarious post.. god mothers can be so..........

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  33. hey soooooo soo very sorry for not visiting your blog for so long.. my stupid blogroll never showed any updates.. will surely be more regular here...
    anf amazing hilarious post.. god mothers can be so..........

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  34. Awesome girl! I LOVE the look of your blog by the way! :) I'm sure yours would be another regular blog to waltz by, from now on!

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  35. I have to say again and again tat I LOVED ur post... Very creative and a great sense of humour...

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  36. Nice post. Loved the facebook profile :)... though what does "shanniyan" mean?

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  37. Lavanya, 17 aaaa? Chutney case idhu nyayame ille. I think kids who are close to my son's age and not mine, shouldn't be allowed to blog. Not fair at all.

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  38. Hilarious and brilliant off hand writing :) new follower here !

    Shalini

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  39. I simply enjoyed the way you've narrated a simple day-to-day happening in a wonderful way. And the 'Coconut Chutney' idea... Absolutely creative. I personally feel that you ought to start off with a novel:)

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  40. Too late to comment.. but AWESOMELY written.. Had a hearty laugh seeing the picture... kalakalaa irku :)

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  41. u got me laughing hard girl,i never got my amma gmail.she wanted to open my account and practice before she moved on to hers!

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