Naturally.

Apparently I had never been giving my body its zinc requirements. So it decided to extract revenge against me and made my hair go grey. Yes,...

Apparently I had never been giving my body its zinc requirements. So it decided to extract revenge against me and made my hair go grey. Yes, you may crack your inappropriate paati jokes now but let me tell you, its also an indicator of my boundless wisdom. 
This has been around for quite a few years now, and my hair has been subject to all sorts of experiments thanks to my very concerned mother. She bought me all kinds fancy shampoo which didn't work, tablets which I conveniently forgot to take and ofcourse, "the last resort", permanent colour which I did after months of brand research and colour matching. I eventually ended up with the wrong colour, which is a story I will save for another day. 

Of all the bogus treatments I've subjected my hair too, the one I remember distinctly was the one time I was forced to go to this one "Vaidyashala". It was one of my mothers finer attempts at making my hair behave. 

The place reeked of...well, I don't really know, but it wasn't pleasant either. The "doctor" there was this big man with a bald head and a beard that was long enough to reach the floor. The only thing which was more impressive than his beard was his stomach which seemed to defy gravity. 
My mother repeated the same story about how she had tried sooo many treatments and how some helpful friend directed us here and I nodded my head at the required intervals, as it was always with every new doc we saw. It was almost like a well rehearsed routine. 
The doctor stroked his beard wisely and talked about how the "yelemends" of my body were in disproportionate arrangement and about how if I put 3 teaspoons of his ayurvedic preparation into my head, my hair would "grow like a waterfall", much like his beard, which would have actually been quite an impressive feat.  
He then decided that my skin was in pretty sad shape and recommended that I apply another one of his witches brews, or ayurvedic formulae to my skin so that I would "shine like sun". 

Yes, it wasn't long before I realized he was a simile person. 

After much rummaging in his cupboard (which was full of smells and other shady things) he brought out 2 packets of similar looking brown powders. To the uninitiated, it would have looked like hot chocolate mix which smelled like an asthma attack. He started giving instructions on what is for what, and that was the precise moment I zoned out.    

The next morning, as I shuffled into the bathroom for my wake-up call/shower, I noticed 2 bowls of brown gloop in the place of my beloved Fructis shampoo and apricot scrub.
"Ammmaaaaaa" I groaned, from inside the bathroom. 
"Padmaaaaaaaa!" I heard my father. "There's a man in the bathroom!"
"Aiyo, appa, its me! Ask amma what those bowls are for!"
"Ennadhu? Holes a? There are holes in the bathroom?"
"Ya, bowls with brown stuff"
"Holes with brown stuff a? Enna did someone forget to flush?"
"Use it with a brush? I'm not sure, ask amma no?"
"Oh so your mother is the culprit?" 
"Enna pa solra?" (What are you saying, pa?)
"Nee ennadi solra?" (What are YOU saying?)
Clearly, the bathroom acoustics weren't helping us. So I opened the door and told him that the issue wasn't a plumbing malfunction but the brown goop in question. 
Ever ready to help, my father started to holler from where he was standing. 
"Padmaaaaaa!! Which bowl is for which?"
And my mom promptly started hollering from the kitchen
"Left-la irukardhu hair, right-la irukardhu face!"
"Ennadhu? Right for the hair, left for the face?"
"Illa! Right face, left hair!"
"Ok, so left hair, right face"
"So its the left for hair?"
"No, its right for face"
"I didn't say that"
"I know, thats why I'm saying"
As I closed the door in sleepy frustration, I could hear laughing. Fathers. 

The consequences of my not paying attention didn't hit me until 5 minutes later when I reached for the shampoo, but instead had to choose between two bowls of similar looking gloop. Left or right? 
Left was for hair, right. Yes it was. Or was it the right? No, left. But didn't Appa say right? No, that was for face. Or was it? Oh what the hell I thought. Was it really going to make a difference? And for a fleeting moment the doctor's bald head flashed in my head. It had indeed been "shining like sun". And consequently, his waist length beard. What if I became bald? And grew a beard "like waterfall"? 
Vivid of my mother screaming AIYOOO and my father going "Oh no! Now I have to write my entire life savings as dowry!" popped in my head. 
By this time, my fingers had gone all prune-like since all these thoughts had passed when the shower was still running and I had to make a decision before I had wasted enough water to fill an olympic size pool. 
Left or right? 
Left. 
Waterfall like beard.
No, right. 
Bald head shining like sun. 
Left. 
Amma's silent scream and AIYOOOOO
Right.
Appa's life savings. 

Then I did what anybody would have done in that situation. I dumped both bowls of gloop onto the floor and used my dad's head and shoulders on my hair and trusty apricot scrub on my face. They may not work as the ads say they do, but I could be assured of a non-shining head and waterfall beard. 
As I dried out and came to the living room, my mother immediately tried to examine the results of her brilliant naturopathy idea, and sighed - "Cha, no difference." 


And thank god for that. 
  
  

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35 comments

  1. rofl!
    Seriously though, what zinc, yunani, vaidyashala and all, just make sure you eat a balanced diet Adu porum :)

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  2. Rotfl! This one reminds me of the miscommunication bween fellow angreji folks in this land ..and me. :P

    Hilarious indeed. Home concoctions are usually like baby food. Liek Rads says, stick to eating healthy. SAVES you all the visual trauma.

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  3. anti oxidants is the name of the game! and that means dark chocolat!

    however namma in-house-shenaz-hussain a.k.a Idling may throw some of his metrosexual knowledge on this!

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  4. heheheh ...The extent mothers go through to ensure you have long healthy hair...

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  5. Aiyyyyyyyyoo...

    Kadaisiya enna solla varra ma neee ???

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  6. ROFL! That's all I can say at this moment!

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  7. ROFL on Left and Right conversation. But seriously, Head Shoulders cause more hair fall than water fall hair, because of its dandruff formula. Meera SHikakai is the best for women, for men Sengal powder will work.

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  8. lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    hilarious!!! totally!!!
    and btw, remember my blog? yuo used to visit :P.......

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  9. ROFL @ brown thing with holes!! LOL


    Yes, please have a good diet, and stop using these chems in your hair. Himalayas is the way to go. It would do nothing new, but at least it is harmless.

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  10. "Padmaaaa, There's a man in the bathroom!" LMAO! This post was super funny.

    And though I am not the in-house Shehnaz Hussain (for one, I would be the wrong gender), I can tell you that the best thing for prematurely greying/ falling hair is to eat plenty of vitamin B complex foods or a B complex tablet a day + Almonds (natural source of Zinc + Vitamin E).

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  11. right now Every one in the office is wondering about the howls of laughter coming from my cubicle. girl uve got some serious talent. and good for your hair that uve got a quick mind too...

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  12. LOL!

    Head and shoulders hasn't made anyone bald yet, 30 Million people cant ALL be wrong?
    Hence the goop from age old tradition is the only solution!
    Its goop is colored so you apply on your head like a wig. (NOT to be washed off)
    Cha cha nobody understands the real purpose of all this.

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  13. Hahaha... Crazy Mohan dialogues maari irunndadhu padikka :D.. LOL..

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  14. LOL! My hair is graying also. Greying, I mean. Zinc aah? Hmm...

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  15. That was hilarious!!
    But don't even get me started with gray hair. I started colouring my hair burgundy just for kicks 10 years ago, and I'm paying dearly for it now!

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  16. A pure delight it is to read your posts. This one -- the hirsute of happiness!

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  17. how do you know its bogus without even trying it eh?? do i sense a contempt for an entire tradition of accumulated knowledge simply because the man was balding, had a paunch and a long beard?

    hehe.. that brown stuff was good.. but if you did not hear what your father said, howcome you were able to tell us what he said? blog-atic liberties aa?

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  18. Good LOL stuff.

    How I wish, the twist did not happen and you in fact tried the left-right combo.Sigh!

    -Nikhil

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  19. I thought somebody was studying and taking a break from blogging.

    "Po di. Padichu orupadra variya paaru."

    Eppidi oon bit-u a unnake sollaren.

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  20. @nariyal
    :D

    @rads
    thanks for the advice :)

    @confounded lady
    yea yea, amma is making keerai everyday :(

    @maxdavinci
    chocolate = thoppai! :P Then I'd totally resemble that doc. And don;t call my anna shehnaz hussain! He;s way prettier than her :P

    @prashanti
    tell me about it!

    @vijey
    Adhaanga....ada, adhu dhaan!

    @naren
    :D

    @maduraiveeran
    Es, head and shoulders is one of the prime reasons hair is falling from my head and landing up on my shoulders. Thanks for the shikai tip :)

    @harini
    thanks :)

    @gradwolf
    himalaya a? Thats like super ineffective for me. I'm still using garnier fructis. I heard biotique was also ok but it doesnt smell pretty :(

    @idling
    :D Niacinamide! :D

    @vagabond dreamer
    thanks so much :)

    @vivek
    I never thought about it that way...hmm. Then I'd end up looking like arya from naan kadavul. Lol

    @maverick blog
    Engappa peru mohan. Does that make him crazy mohan? :D

    @nandini
    Maybe, just maybe, thats cause youre old :P
    Lol, but my hair started greying when i was like 13. (Excess wisdom). Yep, zinc/bcomplex the lot.

    @padmaja
    Hair dyes are a whole new story! I dyed mine too, totally whack shade of brown, my princi got heart attack! lol

    @N
    :)

    @chokkathangam
    Vandhutaanya...vandhutaanya! Its amazing, the way you nitpick posts. Really truly.
    Blog-atic liberty indeed. Vijaykanth meesaiya murikina-odane oru rowdy flat aaran - adha namma mahajanango nambumbodhu, indha maari oru sappa matter-a nambamaatangala?

    @Nikhil
    You wish! :P

    @Ram
    Read update on post below. Exam got postponed :D

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  21. exam postpone aavuradhu evlo periya bhagiyam.....

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  22. LOL!! Super post. My Mom gave up on me long time back. Btw break mudinjadha? I am not complaining. :--)

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  23. ROTFL!! Full kaamedy fyamily only u have!!

    PS: Too many hair tips from readers!

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  24. ellam seri, anna madras le irundutu tanniye veenakareengale - idu nyaayama? :P

    you have a way with words - love your funny posts, as always. thanks!

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  25. Hilarious one!! I enjoid goin thru your blog.

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  26. Greyt post! ROFL@
    "Ammmaaaaaa" I groaned, from inside the bathroom. "Padmaaaaaaaa!" I heard my father. "There's a man in the bathroom!"

    And awesome@irony of doc having hair where you want shine and shine where you want hair!

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  27. rotfl!!

    How does this stuff happen to you all the time?!!lol

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  28. Try slow release iron! I'm guessing your iron count might be low..it happened to me when I was 11, and I was traumatized!

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  29. LOL! Got here from twitter, only to realize it's the same wise-cracking Chutney from naren's blog :)

    Will stop by more often :)

    And yes, balanced diet and all that :P (doesn't hurt to repeat! :D)

    -g

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  30. hi chutney.. sry din't realize you were so internally affected by my comments ;)

    btw, i wrote a love story kind of thing. and it is kind of set in your school (which i must admit most regrettably, is also mine). would you regard such a scenario as presented in the climax reasonable??

    http://chokkathangam.wordpress.com/2009/02/14/chennai-kaadhal-kadhai/

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  31. That photo on Flickr of yours with Varsha and a lady. Not flattering.

    -Wellwisher

    (Guess who? And I give you all my money.)

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  32. omg I could hardly believe it - I have had gray hair for a long time too! Am fed up of all the treatments too...now my folks know me as the girl with the gray hair than as anything else...become part of my identity *Whew*
    Anyway, cheerio! :)

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