Night Sights

It has been 26 days since my study holidays have commenced and I am most happy to announce that I have made exactly 0% progress with my stud...

It has been 26 days since my study holidays have commenced and I am most happy to announce that I have made exactly 0% progress with my studying. It is most difficult, and I have reason to believe that my books have been spooked with a spell of some sort because everytime I open my books, I have this incredible urge to fall asleep, which I do, invariably, hence the progress. Or the lack of it.
I don't believe its my fault. Its just that there are so many distractions. Take for instance, yesterday night. My mother had caught me sleeping on my desk that very evening. She suggested that instead of studying in my room, I could study in the balcony, where I'd get some fresh air as well.
Clearly, this was one of my mother's very intelligent plans. The balcony would be airy no doubt, but it would also be home to mutant mosquitoes.
[weird trivia alert] I say mutant because they are much like the locusts who had mutated in order to accomodate DDT in their DNA, hence making them immune to it, these mutant mosquitoes have mosquito spray/repellant accomodated in their DNA. [/weird trivia alert]
This meant that spraying HIT (now kills cockraches!) would pretty much be in vain, and I had to be extra alert in order to ward them off and thus the chances of me sleeping on my Audit & Assurance textbook would be pretty neglible.


So I went.

The balcony gives a straight view of the road, which meant I could people watch while I swatted mosquitoes. Right across my house, there is Krishna's Iron Vandi [cart], painted in a royal shade of blue. Krishna usually leaves at around 7.30 in the evening, so I didn't expect any kind of movement there at 8.30, which was the time I went to squat, I mean study there.


But I was wrong.


While I was flipping the pages, trying to figure out the responsibility of auditors, I saw a leg, right outside the little iron van. I cocked my head a bit and my instincts were right. There was a body attached the leg. I got up in the pretext of reading my textbook and then casually glanced that way again. Male, 20ish. He had one hand to his cheek and a rather wide grin on his face. Probably on a call with his girlfriend, I thought. But what I didn't understand was why he kept moving behind the van and coming out. I moved to the corner for a closer look and behold, hidden behind the van was a girl. A girl, with a grin on her face. And half her saree missing.
They were, as the immortal Bappi-da put it, louwers. Night Louwers.


Clearly, the spot behind the van was most convenient for their louwings. It was at a good distance from the streetlight and not easily notice-able unless ofcourse you were blessed with my observation skills.


"AMMA!"


The effect was almost immediate. The guy almost jumped away and the girl was trying to adjust her clothes and jump out at the same time. Then they looked around in a most amusingly frantic manner before walking (almost running) away from the iron vandi.
My mother came in to the balcony.
"Enna aachu?" [What happened?]
"Nothing ma. Ennakku coffee venum" [Nothing ma. I want a coffee]

Ah, the simple joys in life.

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66 comments

  1. Cha cha.. you will pay the karmic debt of interrupting those in blissful coitus! Dunno, may be it will manifest itself as a gay bf!

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  2. Aioo.. why did you have to spoil their joy!?

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  3. To borrow a phrase from Idling ... Cha cha!

    No difference between you and the boys who throw stones at dogs enjoying conjugal bliss in the middle of the road! :-P

    And they didn't get far along in their Audits & Assurance either!

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  4. Seriously Audit & Assurance is so damn sleep inducing no?

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  5. LOL !!!! seriously this is perverted pleasure ..poor ppl ..you must have given them time atleast to finish what they had started :P

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  6. haha.. such a sadist!

    in other countries, the clothes they normally wear leaves them half uncovered and they have no scruples about making love in public places (at least where I am at).. So I have seen plenty of these scenes.. Only them doing it brazenly makes it all uninteresting.. indha maari olinji panrathe kandupudikarthulethan there is a thrill.

    and u one of those kinds that keep advertising to the world u haven't studied thus rendering the people who u tell such stuff too incapable of studying so that when you actually study and they don't, you'll do relatively much better?? ;)

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  7. perhaps u havent heard the corollary to "oor kaadhal ooti valatha than kaadhal thaana valrum" which says "oor gujaalsa disturb panna than gujaals thaana naasama pogum"

    you might want to keep that in mind...

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  8. Huh! I think if I tried hooking up with a girl with half the enthusiasm I have to see two a couple doin it, that guy behind the van could be me.

    Me doing it is an eventuality. Me getting to see live two people doing it is not. So I prefer to focus my energies on such spottings. And when I do find one I wont shout "Ammmaaa" like a wuss. I would plant myself there!

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  9. It would have been a very different story if you'd seen only the leg attached to no body. :D
    (The ending would be the same screaming AMMA!)
    Pavam ya, Anti-cupid!
    (I'm sure you had good reason - like if I'm not having any fun no one else is either.)
    I agree about the mosquitos though,I think some of them here have some cockroach genes, even HIT doesn't seem to work. :(

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  10. @idling
    Karmic debt a? Dude, this was my debt being repaid!
    :P

    @SJ
    Try reading my audit and assurance textbook. Then you'll know why.

    @Anish
    lol @ last line! And I'm conveniently ignoring your stone throwing jobe btw.

    @sowmya
    you feel my pain

    @prashanti
    hee :D

    @chokkathangam
    semma thrill dhaan, lol. And about the last line, enna room potu yosipiya?

    @aneri masi
    cant deny that description ;)

    @rukmaniram
    Yea, I'm aware, its just that I've always been on the receiving end, if you know what i mean

    @ram
    I think nee rombave kaanjupoyirka. Or watching too much porn. Or both.

    @gauri
    hee :D

    @vivek
    eggjactly my point! i live my life based on the philosophy aasa dosa applam vada :D

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  11. Apart from those here comment-cursing people, I can imagine the curses the until-that-moment happy couple must've showered on you! Paapam you! I shall only hope for the shaapams to be nullified!

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  12. lol!!!!!!!!!!! chae i wish i was blessed with such joys .. i cant even see the pani-puri waala's _vandi_ across the street from my terrace..

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  13. I'd have done that too :D In fact, I might have gone for a walk with my dog also!

    Good for you ;) And I hear you on the 0% progress. Sigh. And sleeping over books.

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  14. tch tch...tch tch chutney
    -looks disapprovingly

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  15. Fellow readers and commenters,
    Join me in the campaign to send as many pink chaddis as possible to the love-icidal Miss L's doorstep. May her schadenfreudic soul rot in hell!

    :P

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  16. oh poor louwers!! But isn't 8.30pm a little too early even if it is going to be behind an iron vandi? Periya risk edukaraanga pa!

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  17. Avanga saabam unna summa vida poradu ille :) But yea, i can understand the happiness one gets out of spoiling others fun !!!

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  18. Just wondering, whats the address?

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  19. Hi,
    Nice blog..

    but cant believe u didnt read for 26 days anything.. studying CA? I guess, yes. Guys keep telling the same thing even after so many years!!!

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  20. Haha... it would have been fun!

    I always feel like doing everything else but study during my study holidays...you same category?

    Where are going to study next? :P

    --Saranya

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  21. Tche, Oru Daiveegamana kallam kapatam illada Kaadal Jodiya disturb pannittiye. Thappu Thappu.

    Good Post :)

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  22. now you shall have to face their curse and have a obese BF who turns gay and dashingly handsome once you put all the hardwork into getting him into shape!

    or you may turn into gayvanya!

    feel bad for you, but then you can emigrate and come here anyday!

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  23. okay, burning question. If there was a girl already at hand, whom was he grinning and talking with on the cell and not getting down to business? :D

    No, very serious doubt only. ..and instead of finding out you had to go spoil it by scaring them off no? :P

    Rads

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  24. I think it would have been cooler to say kozhandai azhududu for the enna aachu.

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  25. இதுக்கு பேர் தான் படிக்கறதாக்கும் !! பேஷ் பேஷ் ரொம்ப நன்னாருக்கு !!

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  26. If you were a Visu padam heroine, that guy will come to ponn paathufy you next week and you will serve him sojji-bajji ;)

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  27. @stith
    lol, thanks :)

    @harini
    youre lucky ma :)

    @nandini
    lol, totally!

    @buddy
    chi po :P

    @N
    lol enoda character-ey purinjaka maatengaraanga pa :P

    @gradwolf
    Ya, adhaan we did gap10 style inpustgayson! :D

    @sathiyan
    ennadhaan nadakkum nadakattume :D lol

    @badri
    im sorry but im currently in possession of sole viewership rights :P

    @venkat
    thanks

    @saranya
    lol, im currently holed up in my room - enough fresh air i say!

    @barani
    lol, ya ya raamarum sitaiyum romance panradha disturb panniten! adapongapa, arasiyalla idhellam sagajam!

    @max
    pah pah! stop being such a gayur! :P lol

    @kowthas
    tsk, youve been speed reading. he looked like he was holding a cellphone when he had his hand to his cheek but in reality he was holding his girl's hand which was er, doing weird things to his face. lol.


    @quark
    i would have, but that would have resulted in my dinner being denied to me by the mom.

    @sundar
    besh besh only :P

    @padmaja
    haha thanks :)

    @inbavalli
    lol and then after they go i start ooooo-nnu crying and tell them whatte poriki he is and then visu gives half an hour speech lol, plus my my moms name or my name has to be abirami

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  28. ahhh, true@speed reading. I think I was very anxious to know what happened next. This was like a racy-mystery story :D

    ..and pls call me Rads :P

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  29. idhellam oru flow le varrathuthan.. annan getti ma.. :)

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  30. ROFL. Wouldn't it be wonderful if Inba's comment comes true. I really do hope it happens.

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  31. I am SO jealous of you! I mean you get to ask for coffee at 8:30 in the night!

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  33. Lady, you are one helluva laugh riot! :D I don't remember enjoying a blog as much as I did yours in the recent past. Excellent!

    Oh by the way, good work on calling your amma before they resorted to anything more 'evil' ;) I would have done the same thing!

    Cheers!

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  34. So much for fresh air and studies eh? :D

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  35. am glad i came across your write ups. it gives me a certain pleasure and curiosity.
    wishing you most lucks and care.

    job well done in your blog.

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  36. Eh! Attu piece. Oon Thangathu a edavdu erudu sollu. I am bored.

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  37. Sadism & other joys of life. :)

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  38. DAMMIT THAT WAS YOU!

    *BLOOD* *BLOOD* *BLOOD* *BLOOD*

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  39. YOU RUINT IT! YOU KNOW HOW HARD I HAD TO WORK FOR THAT HALF AN HOUR? GET LOST!

    YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!

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  40. sure I'll pay for it. You accept credit cards?

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  41. Nope, too risky. Leave manja pai with 25 thousand cash, one photograph of yourself, and an unlocked sim-less iPhone behind the place where you 'found' us.

    OR YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!

    (Note: I still won't accept credit cards)

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  42. Hahaha, poor couple they sure need to find a new spot soon, which is far far away from where your balcony. Btw, if you find a solution to kill those damm mosquitoes do let me know.

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  43. You missed a "thiruttu payale" chance.. no offense :)

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  44. Two points:

    1. There's a Himalaya anti-mosquito spray. The mosquitoes in Madras haven't developed immunity to it yet.

    2. Next time, try screaming "Rama Sene!!" and see how they react :P.

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  45. I am a first time visitor to your blog. Came via your twitter account..

    I am a தமிழ் blogger myself.

    This piece is wonderfully written.

    நீங்கள் செய்த அந்தப் பாவத்திற்கு சீக்கிரம் பரிகாரம் பண்ணி விடவும் ;-)

    எ.அ.பாலா

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  46. http://www.expressbuzz.com/edition/story.aspx?Title=Rahul+Gandhi+has+a+quick+bite+at+Chutney%E2%80%99s&artid=lJWaatZFfjc=&SectionID=e7uPP4|pSiw=&MainSectionID=e7uPP4|pSiw=&SectionName=EH8HilNJ2uYAot5nzqumeA==&SEO=

    sollaveille!

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  47. with all these distractions how can you study? ;)

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  48. idhu ellam oru polappu.nice blog btw.thought i'd lurk around a while before commenting but this 1 was too much!You need to empathize with the sad state of couples in our city,the only haven they had was Bessi beach,and now the police is cracking down on them over there as well :( seriously ppl like you should be forced to live a celibate life.

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  49. Books make me sleepy too :) Man!!!

    Remind me of teenage mutant mosquitoes ;)

    And finally Dude! You ended with a coffee?

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  50. Hey there, I just came across your blog and I'm glad I did. :) I completely feel you on the falling asleep on my books...I used to do that all the time, and I've been woken by my Mom countless times saying "Enna ma idhu.." and then nudging me awake to get up and stay focused, lol. So glad to be done with hitting the books.

    But back to your post, that's hilarious. Lol. Good call on yelling 'Amma', haha. It's always funny catching people in the midst of risque behavior in what they consider a "private" setting in public. :P

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  51. Wow...can you write?

    I can honelty say one of the better posts I have read in some time.

    What a sense of humor....

    Hope you are devoting some time on studying too!

    :)

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  52. Hi... Are you Lavanya who studied in Ethiraj College evening Batch commerce '07 batch. If not, sorry for the mistake. Nice blog. Cheers.

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  54. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  55. Hey Chutney, I know you're "busy" studying and all :)
    But, too long a wait for your next post

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  56. Chanced upon your blog after seeing a link to your swine flu cartoon. Like the way you write/perceive 'mundane' events, refreshingly different. I used woken up early in the morning with a tumbler of coffee and sent to the terrace to study. The only thing useful I've learnt is that coffee permits you to tolerate the cold without disturbing your sleep. Oh! Make sure to carry a blanket with you if you decide to follow suit.

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  57. Chi chi ... paavamya .. innum konjam wait panni sound vitrukalam :-) LOL. You are a riot.

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  58. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! Aah, audit and assurance.. I wonder how you'll manage in Finals! ;-) Maybe you'll hurl your direct taxes book towards the Vandi.. :P :P :P

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  59. brilliant social service i say.. LMAO!

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