A PCC Week

Advanced Accounting: I am currently in this client place in Nungambakkam on audit. The accountant there, lets call him PSH. The reason I wr...

Advanced Accounting:

I am currently in this client place in Nungambakkam on audit. The accountant there, lets call him PSH. The reason I write about him is because of his amazing ability to have gone for the past 10 years without taking a shower or brushing his teeth. Despite the man being a walking bio harzard, I do feel I should thank him, for he's the reason my Yoga skills have improved by leaps and bounds. Most notably, breathing exercises.

Inhale, hold.


Auditing and Assurance:

I have been assigned to do this audit, alone. The lack of having anybody to talk to about the universe and everything in between has basically has resulted in me actually working, and I am pretty much on the cusp of completion. This not only surprised PSH and the director of the company, but even me! The team which went last year comprised of 2 people, both very smart but they took an extra week more to complete it. Clearly, I am either smarter than I give myself credit for, or I'm missing something.


I'm going to go with smarter.


Law, Ethics and Communication:

I got into trouble near Khader Nawaz Khan road for parking my car on the side of the road where I was apparently not supposed to park. I walked out to the car only to find a big clamp, well, clamped on my tires! Wonder of wonders, the police van stood 100 metres away. I walked up to the police van with my best I'm-so-lost face and peered into the van where two traffic policemen were enjoying Bajjis.


"Sir"


"Yennama?"

[What ma?]


"Sir...enoda..vandi...lock potrukku"

[Sir...my car...it's been locked. Notice the strategic uses of the pause to display apparent lack of knowledge regarding traffic rules. Strategy strategy.]


"Aama ma, wrong side parking. Fine dhaan"

[At this point, I wanted to say that since it was fine, he could remove the lock. But I didn't]


"Sir...receipt kadaikuma?"


"Aama ma! Enna lanjam nnu nenachiya? Cha cha, elaam legal procedure ma. Naan dhaan SI, rules padi na sign pota receipt dhaan unakku kadaikkum"

[Did you think this was a bribe? cha, everything is legal procedure. I'm the Sub Inspector, and as per the rules you'll get the receipt signed by me. The man was completely ticked off at me as I had suspected the kadamai-kanniyam-kattupaadu-ness of his actions]


I continued to give him my pained puppy dog eyes.


"Ennama? First time a?"


"Yes sir..."

[Not counting the 3 times I've gotten caught near Luz, the time I got near Nandanam and scared the policeman by crying (long story) and a couple of times I ticked off a policeman near Alwarpet, this was very much my first time]


"Seri ma, chinna ponnu maari irukka, first time-nnu vera solra, 150 kattu, porum."

[Ok, you seem like a young girl, and you say it's your first time, I'll let you off for 150]


Clearly, saying "first time" has its benefits in more places than one.



Cost accounting and Financial Management:

Lunching in Nungambakkam for the past week, I have been thoroughly spoiled for choice. The first day I had been sent there, however, I was completely unprepared, which meant an empty wallet and the "emergency" 50 Rs note in my bag. Hunger pangs are classified as emergency, ofcourse. But that also meant that my choices would be severely restricted. I figured my best bet would be a milkshake at the Fruit Shop On Greams Road's tiny outlet in the BPCL Petrol bunk next door. That was probably the only day I was ecstatic to have been broke. The outlet is operated by this completely completely gorgeous man! Since then I've been going there everyday, so much that he doesn't give me the menu anymore. And grins at me. And says bye. And completely makes my day.


The juice is pretty good too.


Taxation:

The day the budget came, I went home to quite a surprise. My baby cousins were visiting. One of them, S, is quite the 2 year old. She had just started attending pre-school and was only too intent to put up a mini show (starring her) comprising of all the rhymes and other kindergarden-y stuff that she had been learning the past few months. After going through itsy-bitsy-spider, humpty dumpty, a hindi rhyme about moti haatis, she started started singing this rhyme about her fingers.

It started well. "whev is thumbkin, whev is thumbkin" she went and promptly lifted her thumb. We applauded. This only made her even more excited and she started saying the next verse even more loudly. This particular verse, went "whev is pointher, whev is pointher" and well, she showed us her middle finger. While the entire family was in splits, her mother was mortified.

"No, no, its this finger" tried her mother, showing her index finger. S just wouldn't agree. According to her, the "pointher" wasn't anything else but the middle finger and pretty soon, she threw a tantrum (which involved a lot of um, finger lifting) until everyone in the room (including her mother) agreed that the "pointher" was our middle finger.


Kids these days!


Infotech & Strategic Management:

The past week also saw the Upanayam of my cousin A. A is every bit the NRI 11 year old - very cute, very smart and yea, annoying as hell. He was staying with us until his "oopanuyyanum" and as much as we adored him, managing a kid who ran around saying stuff like "My body is on a schedule" was very, very difficult. Soon enough me and my sister learned the perfect way to handle him - the computer. After A discovered Pocket Tanks, he was much more bearable since he didn't have to spend all day trying to get us to pull our hair out. We were a wee bit worried as to how to handle him during the actual ceremony, which required quite a bit of patience in an environment that was pretty alien to him. However, managing him during the oopanuyyanum was not a hassle at all, because the purohit had him completely petrified with his enormous bulge and hence, had him eating out of his hand. The end of the day, A came back home, completely exhausted, albeit excited at his new acquisition.

"I now have a POOnol"

"Yes, congratulations!"

"Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure"

The effect was pretty much immediate. His eyes widened and a wide grin spread across his face.

"Now that I have a POOnol, am I like, married?"


I said it once, I'll say it again - kids these days!

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42 comments

  1. LMAO @ "am I, like, married?"

    Lol @ your jollufication as usual.

    Hawk thoo @ "Clearly, saying "first time" has its benefits in more places than one. " reason: vetti geththu

    And hmm, I should rip off the format of your "Filter copy" post for what we call "poetic justice."

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  2. Ha ha...I must chk out the Greams Road Fruit Shop man too :-) Nice blog. Hopped over from Blogeswaris' space. And will be back to read more :-)

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  3. HAHAHAHA.

    By the way, I'm surprised you had to pay for the parking violation. Usually, they let girls off easy.

    LOL@ IITG's Hawk Thoo

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  4. LMAO...

    so you caught the snippet format blog posts from your anna B? or he caught it from you?

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  5. lol! I agree, kids these days.
    Oh and I once got away without giving a traffic fine just by putting on a puppy dog lost look and by addressing the policeman as 'sir'.:D

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  6. Wow! Still funny:)

    -Ram

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  7. So now I get the story behind the juice-bhai. :-)

    LOL @ yoga & pointher.

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  8. After reading this blog looks at chutney's towering figure and says, "Kids, these days!

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  9. i really like Fruit Shop on Greams Road. They have quality juices/shakes. Am a regular at the one near bessie beach. No hottie servers there though. But their smoothies more than make up for that. :D

    You shd try the juice shop on Rangachari road. Awesome stuff.

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  10. Absolutely hilarious! Esp. the "first time" anecdote! I'm just back from watching Yash Raj Films' ode to depression, the movie New york. My mood, which was like liquor company stock in a prohibition state, is sunny again. Thanks!

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  11. ...
    You scared off a policeman by crying....
    I bow to you. Train me.

    Lol, saying "its my first time" definitely helps in various situations.

    And, I am soooo going to teach that "thumbkin" and "pointer" thing to my baby cousin.


    Its been ages since I have been on your page. Good to be back.

    ReplyDelete
  12. btw, I like the banner. Dunno how old it is, but its new for me.

    Yea, I have been away for a lonnnnng time. :P

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  13. You should have told A, "You are not married, but you are doomed ;)".
    Now he will have to recite those abivadaye lines everytime he is gonna prostrate ( quite time consuming .. ) .
    Hope, we soon get to read your final version, especially MAFA.

    Cheers :D

    P.S: I completely agree that audits are faster when we are alone, because we don't spend time discussing about the lolworthiness of our bosses.

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  14. @the speed of the audit: watch it, you might end up sharing a cell with the Rajus sometime soon. no wait, they have separate jails for women.

    @your cousins: you lead an entertaining life, dont you! LOL @ the "pointher finger" part :D

    btw read your poetry on naren's blog - you guys are SO good!

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  15. I clearly didn't get the link between Taxation and pointher middle finger...

    and is juice drinking the new-age groundnut putting? kids these days!

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  16. @idling
    That first time comment was a general statement/observation. Doesn't necessarily apply to me because as you have already pointed out a few million times, I am the resident chamathu :D
    And this is not ripping! Its called...improv :P

    @writerzblock
    thanks and yes, please do! (come back that is, fruit shop man is mine! :P :D )

    @V
    Effect of recession you see.

    @Lone Crusader
    THere was no copying! I merely improvised. :P And besides, this is what kutti sisters do. :)

    @Meira
    Unfortunately my puppy dog eyes only got me a Rs.50 discount :| pity cause i have pretty big puppy eyes.

    @Ram
    Wow! Still here

    @BPSK
    Es, juicy gossip, no? :P :)

    @Gradwolf
    5.6" is not towering!

    @Anjana
    Will do! :)

    @Naren
    I feel for you :)

    @Hershey
    Thanks! and good to have you back too :)

    @witsnnuts
    Yes, I hope so too :)

    @atul
    course we are :P thanks :)

    @SRK
    It was on the day of the budget.
    Budget, pertains to tax.
    Engineers these days...

    @Jass
    Exactly :)

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  17. going on an audit alone is a real torture!!!i can completely understand ur feelings!!!nice blog!!!

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  18. Lol..
    Fast completion of audit.. Maybe U should thank 'PSH' for that too..?! :D

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  19. Now that he has his 'POOnol" is he going to gayatri matra and all that jazz? God know what he is going to tell his firang friends when they ask him about that? hmmm...i wonder...

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  20. The poonol thing is howlarious! And any kid showing a middle finger is god's way of saying balls, I suppose :D

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  21. "It was on the day of the budget.
    Budget, pertains to tax.
    Engineers these days..."


    Who do u think u r calling an engineer???
    Don't u dare insult a true blue commerce guy like tht!!!

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  22. Well, it is my FIRST TIME on your blog :)

    Atleast your cousin didn't ask the priest if he could still eat KFC, which is what mine did a few years back.

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  23. well.. when i invited a teacher at school to my upanayanam, he asked me if only boys have this poonol function or even girls do? :)

    Nice post.

    If you are still facing the nungambakkam situation and if food is a problem, Sangeethas is a good choice.. I've had lunch there a couple of times and I liked it.. :)

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  24. haha I thought the last one was the funniest.

    Anyway thanks for visiting!
    I really love your blog too :)

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  25. So you have a kid bringing the house down showing her middle finger, but you still remember it as the day the budget was presented? Geeky CAs I tell you..

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  26. Hi,

    All these days I was visiting your blog daily just to be able to read your hilarious humour.. I am blog rolling you.. cant wait and make the daily visit for that healthy dose of laughter...

    You are right 'Kids these days!!!!'

    Rekha

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  27. Hahaha, lol@ the POOnol kid & the 2 year old with the pointer finger :P

    And lol @ all of the other stories too- I have to agree, your police-talk pauses were perfect!

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  28. LOL! Women can easily get out of trouble with traffic police, but for Men, well all Men are branded Traffic culprits. Pointer finger, ha ha , kids these days!

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  29. Well said about kids these days...tsk, tsk.

    And of ur first times...*nodding head sagely*

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  30. didn't you tell him that he can't go anywhere near girls for the next 7 years? He won't regret this for another 2 years. But after that it should be fun :)

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  31. I thank god that my nephew's teacher haven't thought the finger rhyme or else he would use the pointher finger to put me in splits every occassion we go out in public :D

    Brats and kids are synonymous these days :P

    ROFL @ IITG's Hawk thooo =D

    Damn it !! gaaals find it really easy with the Jollu-filled Traffic police :(

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  32. Hmm...Chutneycase is one of the most celebrated blogs among the Indian community in Bremen, Germany. The reasons you know already...

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  33. I love your blog also I love your sense of humor. Keep posting.
    Radha

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  34. Well honestly!! kids... I had my upnayanam last week... and i'm an adult!!

    Getting away from cops is easier if you are a gal... guy's with a pavam face get killed more :P

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  35. Cop-ukku aapu kodutha chutney ;)

    PS-I love the Greams Road Fruit Shop.
    Glad to know it's still around.

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  36. First time i am hearing a girl actually paid fine to police. Generally i have seen them kinda cry and get away or smile at them innocently and get away.

    I had this very bad experience, me and my friend were going in one way and police caught us and the girl started literally crying and the police was filled with so much sympathy that he did not bother to even ask her why she came in one way where as i paid Rs.100.

    At times i wish there are many lady police officers and even they sympathize with guys like me and leave us without collecting fine. Why should gals be left without fine most of the times?

    Many lady commenters have said that they did not pay traffic fine when they are supposed to.

    About kids, Gosh these days it is difficult to handle. Agreed. BTW the kids are just too difficult to handle.

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  37. Super-o-super ba! Enjoyed it! :)

    --Saranya

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  38. First visit to your blog.... and I am on the floor ..... the innocence "personified" totally paid off .... I am going to have to stalk your blog now .... purely because I can relate to the spots in Chennai you mention and ...let me see .. for the humor ... and also to know that in this world of super spenders ... there are a handful ... who have an emergency Rs.50 tucked somewhere ... bravo !!!

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  39. Lol..

    Did you get the reciept for the 150 you paid???

    By the by. I have read your blog for long now and its really enjoyable. Keep up the good work

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  40. nice post.

    i use the same standard dialog with policemen every time they request me to give em some money. i look as honest as possible and tell them that i got only rs 20 on me and need rs 10 for buying something to eat (just to tell your friends afterwards). they actually take the 10 rs if you are convincing enough. i have used this on 2.5 occasions. (0.5 cos one bugger dint buy the 10 rs for lunch bit and asked for all 20 rs.)

    and another time, when i skipped a signal, they asked me to oram kattify. i went very near and then just took off. could have turned out nasty had they bothered to note the license number, but thankfully enough, i was not the only one to skip a signal. the others behind me were pwned instead!

    chokkathangam

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  41. freaking hilarious ! the middle finger anecdote was just too good ! this post made my day !

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