Reality Shows I'd like to See

Now that Rahul Mahajan has finally been married (and made it as a trending topic on twitter - knocking off Justin Bieber no less), it looks ...

Now that Rahul Mahajan has finally been married (and made it as a trending topic on twitter - knocking off Justin Bieber no less), it looks like reality TV will take a break for sometime. But why wait for another cuckoo? Here are my proposals for the next big reality show - 


1. TR-in Thangachi Thaedal [TR's Search for a Sister]: It's a fact that Vijaya T Rajendhar (M.A), apart from being a one man film unit, mouth-percussionist and the inspiration behind that hairy alien-thing from Star Wars is also Tamil Cinema's greatest big brother. His moving analogy where he points out how a woman's virginity is like a torn cloth that cannot be mended (as opposed to a man's, which is like a wet cloth that can be dried) to his sister and looks like a constipated gorilla AT THE SAME TIME is stuff of legend. There's very little that can actually be written about how he goes around protecting his sisters on screen too. You don't mess with girls whose big brother looks like something that just escaped from the Vandalur Zoo man, you don't. But the truth is, there is very little that is known about TR's real sister. Does he even have one? I don't think he does (even if he does, let's just assume that he doesn't), and that is where this show comes in. 

TR-in THANGACHI THAEDAL - where TR scours all of Tamil Nadu to find the one girl who is worthy of his big-brotherness. Parameters include age (The Man doesn't drink from the fountain of youth, he IS the fountain of youth. He's a hero in Tamil Cinema! You don't expect old ladies to be his sister now, do you? Girls no older than 25 can apply), moral competence, rhyme skyllz and knowledge of tamil culture. TR shall evaluate the contestants himself and pick one very lucky girl who gets to be his real life sister and can be the blessed recipient of his endless paasam. 
Probable Sequel : Thangachi Tharkolai - Nadandhadhu Enna?
[Sister Suicide - What really happened?]






-> What A Man. 











2. Dr.Joseph Vijay-in Director Deal: As Dr.Joseph Vijay inches closer to the world record for longest string of flop movies, it is up to his fans to dig deep among themselves and find someone competent enough to direct him and make full use of his versatility. The winner, who will be selected through a rigorous process that involves finding not one but TWO differences between the roles that he's played in the past ten movies will get the opportunity of a lifetime to direct Dr.Joseph Vijay in a role most suitable for his polished and elegant demeanor namely mechanic, courier boy, bike mechanic or vegetable vendor, thus enabling him to finally achieve the world record for longest string of worsttu movies. Since it's for such a noble cause I'm sure we can expect plenty of participants. A fake press conference YouTube video is also part of the deal. 



3. Gaptun Vijaykanth-in Arasiyal Aarpattam (Gaptun Vijaykanth's Political Ploys): 
The Indian Army couldn't handle a man of his calibre, which is why he's a full time politician now. While we understand that he's a one man army, somehow the whole idea of local MLAs tagging behind an enigma is just not fair. Which is why Gaptun himself needs to get out there and recruit men who will be able to complement his stature. Contestants who want to be part of the man's entourage will have to pass through rigorous training and exercises in bullet dodging, mustache flexing, shock absorption, pigeon language learning, a complete study of Bakistan's topography, Media Player skills, and most importantly, English lessons. His criticism in the show will be brutal ofcourse - if the participants don't eieieidowhathesays, rest assured that he will send them out with a flick of his collar (when you're Gaptun, there really is no other way). 










-> The Gaptun shows us how it's done. 













4. Namitha's Size Zero Mission: I don't know about entertainment value but I'm sure as hell that this show will give megaserials a run for their money by becoming the longest running show on television. [Note: Clicking on the link will give you google's image search results for said actress. If you know who she is, you wouldn't click on that. If you don't know who she is, go ahead, click, but don't tell me I didn't warn you.] 


5. The Amit-zing Race: I love the Amazing Race series. For the uninitiated, the show involves 12 pairs of people from different backgrounds who are made to travel around the world with a camera behind them to perform unconventional tasks. The pair that completes all of them first, wins the grand prize of $1 million. I say, put 12 pairs of Amits (Surely you know who an Amit is by now. They're the guys who are convinced that Chennai SUXX YAAR!) in our beloved city and put them through a set of unique tasks like catching an auto from T.Nagar to go to Besant Nagar with a budget of 50 Rs, buying SeppanKazhangu from Koyambedu Market, get away from a Chennai Traffic Cop WITHOUT paying anything, watch a TR movie without running away from the theatre and so on. The Pair that finally completes all these tasks will win....something. Ha. Let them complete first. Then we'll think about the prize. 

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66 comments

  1. adutha muthalvar yaru?(who is next CM?)

    You missed this! :)

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  2. Pah! What speed la you get comments. When I started reading there was just 1. Ippo 3. Dunno how many when finish.

    In any case, I found one fantastic contestant for TR tangachi show. Varsha papa.

    Ava loosu madri erudara ippo lam. I think she needs loving care of a big brother.

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  3. i just recently came across the chutney files and was looking through bandha labels..laughing my head off at "ahemmed-the-bard" when the next post came along! what timing i have i say...but i must admit (and no, i am not ashamed by it) -

    a)i thought Kuruvi was really not that bad- maybe i actually expected worse hmmm...

    b)i sat through the entire length of Veerasamy and enjoyed every moment! Well at first it was because id bunked class and paid 100bucks for crappy seats in Abirami..but then, the complex storyline had me hooked..and i got my money's worth in the climax when TR pulls off his veshti, brandishing an aruvaall in the other hand at the same time-and goes charging in for the kill...priceless..not to mention the colour coordinated dance sequences..i went home a very happy and satisfied person.

    Cant wait for his reality show to spice up my otherwise mundane existance..i would definitely watch yeah!

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  4. Romba nanna irukku di ma.

    Also suggested:

    Vikram-in veDa vilayaattu (Vikram's Gethu getups): After anniyyana nd kokkarakosaamy, what next for the kostume king?

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  5. Love the Amit-zing race concept.
    Vijay TV are you listening?? :D :P

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  6. LOL hilarious... television is the bitch!

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  7. funny post.. but i only hope that simbu does not read this post. No one would like his father to be called a constipated gorilla or the one who escaped from the zoo..

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  8. U left out knowledge of "pulli vivaram" including number of Tasmacs in medavakkam and their average sale per month :P in Gaptun's test!

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  9. Think who wud have played If tamil version of Rahul Dulhaniya was played ... Simbu ..? atleast he is not married ..but both have done post maraige blues... wud be lot of fun ..chutni is really fresh -non plagiarized :) Happy birthDay !!!

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  10. Happy Budday!!!

    "your blog is amazing"

    and yeah Happy womans day !!

    - someone who has been snooping around your blog so much that she has read your entire blog archives !! :)

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  11. I have always wondered what Badri above said here, surely simbu would have seen the TR and him forward that went around, what would he be thinking!

    Anyway, this was good but the cheppakazhangu task cant be completed just with buying it from koyambedu but roasting it to perfection. athan key part.

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  12. ROFL all the way!!!!

    Btw.. Happy B'day!!!

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  13. You need to do a Chuck Norris Facts on our Gaptun :)


    http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

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  14. Ah after a long time a post upto Chutney Case standards! No, really!

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  15. Have read and burped on all the chutney archives... Awesome writing I say!!

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  16. Do tell me if thangachi thedal becomes a reality (uh.. it then becaomes 'a reality show that has really become a reality'?). even the reality-show-haters would then become converts. does the judging parameter include that the contestant remains silent with a drop of tear, head down, and does not laugh till the director says "cut"?
    Btw, after watching Veerasamy, thank god you didnt think of 'TR-in Heroine Thedal'! [i shudder]
    I have a suggestion reg your vocab, if you would allow me... I prefer 'GaBtun' to 'GaPtun'. The 'B' adds the authenticity and adds the punch. Okay, in this case not a punch, its the one-leg-on-wall-rotate-kick effect. what say? :P

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  17. Hahaha! I had to check who namitha was. Man! If she hugs you hard, your insurance had better cover broken ribs.

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  18. Chutney - Kalakitey ma!! You have outdone yourself. I was laughing away as I was imagining the reality shows. Your words bring thoughts to life.
    - a fan from your alma mater

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  19. You must patent the last idea,so history is not repeated again :)

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  20. Ha ha, the Amit thing was so funny!

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  21. TR wants to remind you, the starting of the reality show whould have a song like this...

    தங்கட்ச்சி தேடறேன் நானு!!
    இருக்கக்கூடாது அவளுக்கு கூனு!
    பேருல தொடங்கணும் ஒரு பானு!
    ஆனா இருக்கக்கூடாது அவ தலைல பேனு!

    eppadi vasathi?? TR thangatchi thedal.....Simbu Paavaam!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. பிறந்தநாள் வாழ்த்துக்கள்!! கேக் இருக்கா மீதி?

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  23. "Aarpattam" is "ploy"!!???

    Hilarious post, Amit was my personal favourite.

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  24. I thought Namitha is already size zero...From her waist up Isn't? ;-) It looks all round...

    Nice blog Lavs...Keep writing.

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  25. Man Lavs...this was much needed for a dose of very good laughter. May I add some things that may have been missed?

    Gaptun: the eye turning red at the command of the master.

    Amit-zing race: who will host it? Craig macchaan?

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  26. You should pit Namitha and Khusbhoo against each other in a race to size zero. That will be fun.

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  27. Classy classy post! I seriously loved the aarpattam one and the amit-zing series :P
    An awesome task for them would be to eat food without wheat and aaloo for a whole week!

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  28. your blog would be more easily accessible if it has an rss feed. it doesn't fit too properly in the blogroll. that said, awesome timepass reading.

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  29. TR's thangachi thedal solves more purposes than one... on the one hand he gets to shower his love on his thangachis. on the other hand, it gives simbu many more chances with the atthai ponnus that will unleash themselves on their morai-maama!

    kilo arisi rendu rooba!
    endru sonna kalaignaru ppa!
    avar aatchi-kku vara vendum!
    adhil makkal nalam pera venum!

    thana thananane thananane
    thana thananane thanenane!

    avar aatchi-kku vara vendum!
    adhil makkal nalam pera venum!

    thana thananane thananane!
    thana thananane thanenane!

    ReplyDelete
  30. one probable show could involve finding the best dance partner for bhagyaraj :P

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  31. love dr.joseph vijay..awesome post. i am going to forward to my friends as an email

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  32. ROFL -.....and I'm not even remotely Tamil. I would totally watch the Amitzing Race!

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  33. Hi Chutney, I have been a regular follower of your blog,and have to say..this is one of the best posts ever! Totally hilarious, and offered me much respite from the ongoing tiresome mugging for my exams. Keep writing pls :)

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  34. brilliant! just what I was waiting for..apart from waiting for big bang theory's next episode, your blog entry now competes with the former...the best was the amits!!! just last onwards my friend (tamil of course) and I started cracking amit-jokes:D and to read this here is just simply amazing! fantastic Lavanya! masterpiece! this is my best break at work...

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  35. original yet uncomplicated post,
    good work mr chutney
    btw , i guess there namitha already looks round like a perfect zero ,i guess we could change the topic to make women acheive namitha size :) and as a suggestion :
    Dance with Sendhil :)
    the comedy actor

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  36. @everyone - thanks :D

    @rahu - Mr.chutney illa, Ms.chutney :D I just had to point that out :)

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  37. Hi there,
    Nice post. I'm a Tam Brahm married to an Amit of the breed you r talking abt :)

    Have been reading ur posts on and off. Keep it up. Hoping to bump into you some day in T nagar and have a little chat.

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  38. Lady, U rock !!! lol !

    TR's show will be attagasam....this soap opera I'll def. watch !

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  39. a borader classification of Amit: We call them the "Abhays" as in "Abhay yaar, Whatdd the fugh!" (Sardar flavour)

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  40. nice going ... chek out my blog !!

    http://siddharthkarthik-myth.blogspot.com/

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  41. hi spicey chutney... ave been reading ur blogs 2 day... really good... u have soft corner for TR i believe... shows that u love to write abt him...but then who wudnt...he is a bear na....

    amit race is too gud....chennai avanai poda vennai sollum...

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  42. WOW nice one,,,, I like the one abt D.R. Vijay.. I initially thought of starting a blog jus to kalaichify tamil cinema... Lets see how it works out..... I'll surely write abt DR.vijay in my 1st article :)

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  43. hi spicey chutney... ave been reading ur blogs 2 day... really good... u have soft corner for TR i believe... shows that u love to write abt him...but then who wudnt...he is a bear na....

    amit race is too gud....chennai avanai poda vennai sollum...

    ReplyDelete
  44. love dr.joseph vijay..awesome post. i am going to forward to my friends as an email

    ReplyDelete
  45. your blog would be more easily accessible if it has an rss feed. it doesn't fit too properly in the blogroll. that said, awesome timepass reading.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Classy classy post! I seriously loved the aarpattam one and the amit-zing series :P
    An awesome task for them would be to eat food without wheat and aaloo for a whole week!

    ReplyDelete
  47. பிறந்தநாள் வாழ்த்துக்கள்!! கேக் இருக்கா மீதி?

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  48. Ha ha, the Amit thing was so funny!

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  49. Happy Budday!!!

    "your blog is amazing"

    and yeah Happy womans day !!

    - someone who has been snooping around your blog so much that she has read your entire blog archives !! :)

    ReplyDelete
  50. LOL hilarious... television is the bitch!

    ReplyDelete

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