April Fool

I know there's been a complete lack of updates this month, and trust me, it hurts me more than it'd ever hurt you guys! The truth is...

I know there's been a complete lack of updates this month, and trust me, it hurts me more than it'd ever hurt you guys! The truth is, I'm not married. And I haven't found a new boyfriend either (believe me, I'd have had PLENTY to write about if either of the two had happened). Point being, all out of ideas. My mother always says that making lists will help you get ideas. So I thought I'd make a list of things I could possibly write about.

My career - I just signed an agreement with Mukesh Ambani for offering my services in the area of financial reconstruction, strategy and general awesomeness for his company, after which Mukesh invited me to his place for dinner and made a rather sentimental toast. Something silly about how his company didn't really deserve a guy like him and that I ought to be at the helm. I laughed it off, gracefully. (Contentment is important to me. In fact, that's what I told Indra Nooyi too last week, when she asked me if I was interested in taking up the CEO position of PepsiCo.) And when Mukesh was about to give me the keys to the new Audi he had bought me as a token of gratitude, Tea-Anna asked me if I wanted Coffee. I said yes, and made a mental note to ask him for his name the next time, instead of sleeping. Again.

My lovelife - So Dhoni came up to me the other day....wait. You know how this is going to end, right? Yea. Next.

My Education - I'm becoming a graduate this year! I'll have my B.Com final year exams at the end of May, after which the University of Madras should declare me to be a graduate. The convocation ceremony will basically consist of the Courier Boy giving me my certificate while my parents look upon with tears of joy.

Miscellaneous - I saw Vinnaithaandi Varuvaaya. I liked it. No really - not only does Simbhu look like an actual human being, he's acted pretty well too. It's very watchable, and very romantic :)
Also, I managed to get my hands on some extremely awesome stuff the other day, namely Vadivelu ringtones. My life seems complete everytime my phone rings and I hear him go "Yenna idhu vaaliba vayasu".

Pah, for this mokka post I might as well have said I got married. So here's a question - is there anything that you guys might want me to write about? No really, I'm going through some Matthew Hayden-esque slump in form and was hoping that maybe, maybe you guys'd have an idea. Or two.

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  1. 1. career and lovelife are fantasy, so probably you graduating is also one?
    2. am so used to just eating chutney, that i have no idea what ingredients i should give you. just make me chutney, that's it.
    3. why on earth is this post title April Fool? there's no fool's joke and people search for it, so that's the joke?!
    4. enna koduma saar!
    5. add a :P smiley behind each of the above comments.

  2. Simply awesome Mokka. Like the way you have described the things that mattered to you. Let me say this post as '444 words tweet'!! ;) ha ha

    VTV was really nice. Hope you will like my views (not a review) on vtv. Link: http://niram.wordpress.com/2010/03/12/vinnai-thaandi-varuthal-and-jessie/

    Best smile,
    Tharique Azeez

  3. i forgot, #4 eksi was for the post itself. aniyaya mokkai! enaku pudikala! [if you give me the it's-my-blog-i-write-what-i-want excuse, pl. go to hell :D]

    your usual satire mokkai spice is missing, seriously get married, you will get tonnes and tonnes of things to write about. ;)

  4. Even i don't have a girl friend and i want to write a lot :P .செம்ம மொக்க மச்சி,better change your name as @mokkamohan it suites you more than @lavsmohan ;-)


  5. ideas..hmm..May be its time you start updating your other blog. Its been years since the last update. :(

  6. maybe you should try getting a mongoose then and then kanna moodindu suthings!

  7. i was about to say abt the new syndrome ms.chutney has caught. blogger's block.

    u want mokkai. i'll give u one:
    Q)what will next version of Windows be called?
    A)Solar system coz superstar sottai kanth said "ettukkulla ulagam irukku ramaih"

    but why did he say that to Ramaih alone?

    i couldn't stop
    mokkai 2:
    what will happen if Swami Vivekananda stepped into Ustad Bismillah Khan's shoes?

    we would get narendra 'shehnai'

  8. Time for a good story from you. You could base it on Modi and the IPL too. Weave your magic!

  9. About Idli-Sambar thotukka Chutney making bhelpuri from mashed up Vada pav. Go CSK!

  10. You write about anything under the sun and we will enjoy it!
    How about a post..on the recent happenings with the voices in your head..I love them! :D


    ps: I liked your old blog template better!

  11. Chutney -

    Believe it or not, I am reading this blog for past 3 years...

    Just write about yesterday/today/tomorrow. But keep your flavor...


  12. Oru mudivoda irukkara maathiri theriyuthey..eppadiyum Mukesh-au Panakkara list-la irunthu kavuthanumnnu!

  13. Dhoni ? Isn't he busy cruising the "Red light areas"

  14. Hmm...I used to read your blog in my free time (Most of the time :-)) from my old work place , who fortuanately or unfortunately didnt block the blog sites.Now with my new job, everything is blocked.SO here I am up on a saturday morning looking for your ever funny posts.
    Girl , I need those laughs !
    OK how about writing about your office boys, or your classmates..or some lovestories from your college?

  15. Hi Lavanya,
    Perhaps you can write about the preponderance of tragedy in Tamil Cinemas. You have written about the sister sentiment of TR . But have you ever wondered why many of our Tamil films have tragic endings ? and most of our heroes greatest hits has a tragic ending . Either the hero dies or he is unsuccessful in love(I am thinking of Vijay here , i dont recall any movie where he dies in the end . Also as mentioned in your blog VV). But all the others , right from KamalHassan and Vijaykanth to Surya and Dhanush , well the list goes on. One hero seems to make a living out of dying in almost every movie he acts in (Jeeva of Naan Avan Illai fame). Our movies which are remade in other languages (Kakka Kakka for instance , remade into Gharshana in Telugu) , the tragic element is done away with so as to make it palatable to the audiences. Must wonder why Tamil audiences are so tragedy loving .

  16. 1.what abt suggesions to make IPL more interesting??
    2.if u swapped lives with benjamin button?

  17. This comment has been removed by the author.

  18. 1. Creative ideas for world domination (Been obsessed with this one for quite some time now)

    2. What makes the world's mamas and mamis watch an endless list of serials on TV (apart from the fact that they're bored)

    3. What prompts people to ask sad ass questions when they fully know the answer (You see someone who's back from town and you go, Ohhh so you're back in town!)

    Believe me, writer's block is something inevitable and be happy if you get it because once you start writing again there's nothing like it! Though you really don't seem to have much of a slump and all.. Oh my, I'm rambling now

  19. Hi lavanya,
    Was really waiting for your blog.Your writing style is really good.

  20. stories abt college

  21. You can write about sania mirza or nithyananda :)
    Media is saying all serious things about them, You can say it in a funny way..

  22. LOL!!! I can read anything you write over and over again! I can read this post only at least 10 more times without getting bored :) :)

  23. ah blogger's block eh?:)the ambani bit was kickass:)

  24. as a recent follower of chutney case, i can say that the reason i follow is for the humour. not for profound insights or to lean string theory. some of the last two happen at times though.

    So, take a 'topic'.. anything. like your friend's job or mine (phd student in biology). there are many interesting and funny observations that can be made (how would you fit into my job mudhalvan style... 2 day phd student). or, how would mudhalvan fit into your job?

    set the stage, and tell me funny things that i wouldnt have thought of. i can identify with the chennai-tam background. also, its sadly romantic. my need to meet interesting intelligent funny women with whom i can relate to, and this blog.

  25. IPL IPL IPL.. Lalit Modi.. Tharoor.. That Dubai Aunty.. The South African Babe..

    Cmon Ms. Chutney..There's lot of story in here.. enough for RGV and Madhur B to make a film out of ..

  26. write about best things that ever happened to you or one strong memory of your childhood.

  27. Shabba.. a post tat is not a post .. mudila :P

    btw the old template was waaay better than this .

  28. very good post i liked
    i was like checking your blog everyday waiting for your post and finally
    meeru chala baga rastharu memu suggestions ivadam enduku :p ( PS i know that u know telugu)

  29. //PS i know that u know telugu//

    whattay kandupidippu of the century! :)) chutney since everyone is saying, i think me also has the right - i liked the old template better! :D This doesnt look like coconut chutney, no?

  30. >> And I haven't found a new boyfriend

    So tell us about your old one :)

  31. Ipo dan graduation? Oh! Congrats :)

    And, vadivelu ringtones rock ;)

  32. +1 to anything about the IPL. Except about the charming captain. :P

    And go VTV! I cannot believe anyone who says they did not like it. Loved Trisha and Simbhu too in it.

  33. Well... you know where the best ideas for humorous writings can come from these days?? The News channels!!! YES!

    So please watch TIMES NOW and HEADLINES TODAY for the senseless mind numbing crap they play over and over again, videos of politicians and other things that they circle in "red" and point with arrows.

    Then you can watch NDTV and CNN-IBN, for the shouting match between Sardesai and Dutt (i think she's gay).

    So much to write about in terms of Current Affairs. :P

    God bless Ms. Chutney. You write some seriously good shit! :D

  34. have enjoyed reading your blogs for sometime now...but aways being a lurker, great work :)...a Request : plz get back to the original blog template..that was superb :)

  35. I didn't know your writing history since I hadn't read any of your stuff, so I went through a few of your previous write-ups. You do write well, but what I deem funnier is many people sucking up to you in the comments section. Some blog-world celebrity you must be!

  36. Wait a min...you get your degree certificate couriered? Damn..I had to go to college to sign in the register and pick it up. I would have felt better if someone actually delivered it - konjam scene uttrippen!

    Mappu, Vechittanya Aappu...

  37. tell you what, quit being all popular/populist and go back to your no-holds-barred raw, fresh writing of a year ago. i'll appreciate that more than anything else.

  38. //tell you what, quit being all popular/populist and go back to your no-holds-barred raw, fresh writing of a year ago. //

    well said! i didnt say that for the fear of chutney asking "who is acting popular now?". but, true, there is a stark difference before the plagiarism episode and after.

  39. @prakash
    try reading whatever I've written during the year 2008. i used to be funny. now i'm just famous.

    haha, trust me, i want that more than you ever would. my issue is that the people i used to write about read this space now. if you have a solution, i'd love to hear it.

  40. If Gapdan went to get a tattoo, what would the encounter be like?

  41. HI Lavanya,

    Firstly, I want to commend you on your writing. It is awesome.

    Secondly, a topic for next post could be ' your best vchildhood memory' and why is it the best?. Thanks - Your loyal 'new' follower

  42. //haha, trust me, i want that more than you ever would. my issue is that the people i used to write about read this space now. if you have a solution, i'd love to hear it. //

    hahaha.. didnt know it's not just me :) well, am not popular or anything, but was happy when i was an anonymous random blogger than when people i knew started reading my blog.

    there're two solutions - 1. write whatever you want to, not caring what anyone else thinks. (tough. may also be bad.) 2. start a new blog and let only your veri pidicha rasigargal know of it (asking them to sign an agreement that they wont let out the secret) and start blogging from scratch. and trying not to become faamus another time. (very tough, but may not be that bad.)

  43. Why don't you just take a walk near the Koovam, overhear some of the interesting stuff there and report it? Lots of tattuvam to be learnt, you know.

  44. Hi, your sense of humor is your own, and it's awesome!! so, write whatever you want...even posts saying that you can't post! I will read all of them....

    ....And I realize that when a bunch of people are saying what I said just now, we are *not* really helping...

    Like asking, 'how do I look?', only to get the answer, 'I love you no matter how you look, dear'! Okay, now we know something is wrong...ha ha!

    Anyway, you write wonderfully well, keep doing it!

  45. Thought after Sabbatical... (dunno why... writers block, self-imposed)..

    I believe that zing is missing mam'n..

    Some kinda HO lady...

  46. Just too good .... you held the reader till the last word !! Brilliant work !! As usual.

  47. How about writing an imaginary scenario, where our Kolywood greats like Vijai, Thala, Simbu,Kaptan, Dhanush and the inimitable Vadivelu are asked to attend a college and qualify for a Degree in subject of their choice as a condition for acting in Films.

  48. Stick to your natural flow of writing humorous episodes from real life in which you excelled! I will always prefer the chirpy little girl who could paint real life situations on a Humorous Family Canvas making us laugh non-stop.

  49. My suggestion will be in dutch:

    Na weken van hard werken is het dan eindelijk zover. Morgen gaan de deuren open voor de officiele opening van Pan&Cook het nieuwe restaurant in het centrum van Rooi. Het pand op de hoek Heuvel-Kerkstraat vroeger bekend als "Pand Gloudemans" en de laatste jaren in gebruik geweest bij Van de Ven Accountants herbergt voortaan een restaurant waar de hongerige consument, jong en oud, terecht kan voor een op traditionele wijze gebakken pannenkoek. Maar ook voor een lunch of een feestje of partijtje kan men er terecht. En..niet te vergeten de cateringfunctie van Jan van Bommel is ook onderdeel van Pan&Cook.

    (copied and pasted from the net)

    - which loosely translates into: there's-a-whole-load-of-good-crap-to-blog-about, like explaining why-though not as a rule-auto drivers tend to slow down and scan for customers right before a bus stop just before a bus arrives much to the annoyance of commuters or why a ducth-treat is called Amerikaans Feest in the Netherlands. Dont mind the dutch obsession.


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