Band Baaja Bridezilla

[Originally written for & Published in Outlook India (Web). The theme is a little recurring, but what to do etc] I got engaged to be...

[Originally written for & Published in Outlook India (Web). The theme is a little recurring, but what to do etc]

I got engaged to be married last November. The engagement was a rather unique event, since it happened without the boy actually being present. This was because of multiple reasons, including the fact that my fiancé was in New York at that time and my parents, understandably, wanted to close the deal before he understood what exactly he was marrying into.

Anyway, once he came back, our parents hosted a party for friends and family to introduce us as a couple. On the day of the party, because of a gaffe on the part of the salon where I got my hair done, my fabulous blow dry looked fabulous for exactly 10 minutes before I ended up looking like Cousin It from the Addams Family. I wasn't happy, but after the first 10 minutes, I didn't let it bother me. This evening wasn't about me, or the fact that I resembled a sari-clad scarecrow. It was about the fact that people wanted to celebrate two individuals who had just decided to spend their lives together! Right?

Wrong.

Throughout the evening and for quite a few weeks after, I got a lot of people coming up to me to laud me on my not breaking down (“I don’t know how you did it!”), to the point where you’d think I’d just single-handedly saved a village from a Tsunami while discovering the cure for cancer and breaking Michael Phelps’ freestyle record simultaneously, as opposed to have just had a bad hair day. Some more optimistic people, in their bid to cheer me up told me, “At least it wasn’t the wedding!”, because God forbid there’s a slip in the way I looked on that day, then you know, my whole life is likely to be in tatters.

A wedding today, has evolved, no, mutated from being a celebration of family and commitment to this major party where the focus is only on one person— the bride. In case you haven’t noticed, there aren’t any wedding magazines around— only bridal, with maybe half a page (if they’re feeling generous) dedicated to the other sundry details, such as the concept of marriage, or the groom. Every single one of those bridal magazines insist that you can never be good enough for ‘your big day’, never mind that your partner liked you the way you had been all this time. You might be skinny, they say, but are you a toned skinny? Your skin might be clear, but is it glowing, sun-kissed and radiant? Your outfit might be pretty, but is it Designer (and roughly the cost of an island in the Maldives)?

No?

Me neither, which apparently makes me a poor naive country boor hick-bumpkin, because clearly I wasn’t aware of the fact that I have only one day to be happy, or that there are going to be photographs (PHOTOGRAPHS!) or that my wedding album is the only legacy I can leave for the next seven generations that are poised to spring out from my uterus and that unless I want to be referred to as “Double Chin Kollu Paati” by my great grandchildren, it becomes my foremost responsibility to do everything I can to resemble Indian Sari Princess Barbie.

Comrades, I confess. I’ve been dreaming about my wedding even before I was engaged, okay, even before I was even legal. Yes, I wanted the pretty clothes, I wanted the big party, but most of all, I wanted to be happy. Today I’m on the other side— I’ve seen enough sarees to go colour blind, looked at enough decor themes to make me wonder if I’m organizing a wedding or a full scale Disneyland musical, listened to enough wedding “advice” to compile an 8 book series and it all makes me want to burst multiple blood vessels, when the truth is that I am over the moon about getting married. You see, Bridezillas aren’t born. They are made.

It’s only when you take a step back do you realize that it’s just one day. One day. All that really matters is what is going to happen in the days, years and months that follow and not whether your earrings are colour coordinated with the stage arrangements. I really don’t want to go into my wedding like I’ve been preparing for some covert siege attack (or a reality television show) where failure will result in dire consequences. I don’t want to remember my wedding as a day where I lost whatever little left of my hair worrying about arm fat or the caterer, but as a day where I had fun, and I was happy. If that means not having my Disneyland perfect wedding, then so be it. I’d rather have a Disneyland perfect marriage.


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20 comments

  1. Always a pleasure reading you! A Disneyland perfect marriage is what everyone desires for after a Disneyland perfect wedding. Hope you're able to enjoy both! All the best for your wedding preps :)

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  2. Bravo! I dealt with it 11 years back. People are always trying to make up for their weddings at yours. No, you are sane. Don't worry. And yes, these sorts continue to flourish. I used shock therapy to my advantage. It worked like a charm. Good luck to you!

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  3. I so enjoyed reading this post ! The wedding day is just one day as you say. What matters is the days and months and years that follow !

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  4. Disneyland perfect marriage is wat all we girls do desire.. but its really a pain in the bum if after all those great preps you fall sick rite on your big day.. i was one such victim :( poor me.. sob :( so be full carefullaa ;)

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  5. Well, technically for Indian weddings, it's not one day but seven days! :P
    What I realized in the days and months before my wedding was that it was not MY wedding at all! It was the wedding my mother, and aunts and grandmom had been dreaming about and preparing for ages! So, I just went with the flow and enjoyed it!

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  6. Hey,

    All the best!

    Dont worry...as you mentioned, its just one day..whatever happens, you will always have fond memories of your wedding day!

    On my wedding day, one of my over enthu relatives tied my saree awkwardly and my hair was done so well that when i bent to receive something from the pujari, the flowers fixed perfectly on my hair tumbled onto my face!!

    Maybe i was a bit embarrassed that day, but looking back at my wedding video almost 5 years later makes me laugh about it!

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  7. In all the weddings I've attended over the last few years, I have no idea what the bride or the groom were up to, but I can recall the food. I don't remember what my very good friend wore for her muhurtham last year, but I can recall the badam halwa in exquisite detail. I am assuming that most guests are like me.
    I got annoyed too before my wedding when people assumed I'd be nervous preparing for the big day or urging me to blow up money on saris/jewellery since it was for that one special day. I told them all that people came to eat and meet friends, and would not be spending hours admiring me.

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  8. "a poor naive country boor hick-bumpkin"
    I was too stressed that it even messed up my cycles...

    All the best!!

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  9. :):) well some ppl get both ends of the deal - a perfect wedding AND a perfect marriage... but then if i have to choose between the two, like you id choose the marriage :) so yea after a lot of planing the wedding day had flaws, the reception had me glowering at the make up lady and everyone else and boy am i glad im over and done with that part - now its the marriage and i continue to learn its nuances :)

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  10. Was directed here by a friend. Enjoyed reading it, keep writing. :)

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  11. Couldn't agree with you more. When we went home to get married (my boyfriend and I were both living abroad when we got engaged), people had already started asking me about why I hadn't done anything new to my hair (since there are so many cooler options in salons abroad, apparently) right at the airport !! I have really curly hair and when I was forcibly taken to VLCC (it was in vogue when I got married) by my cousin, the first thing the 'manager' said was we will set you up with a 30 day bridal package (my wedding was in a week) with regular facials and other treatments and for the D-day, straighten your hair ! The minute she said that, I left the place. Why would I want to look like someone else on my wedding day especially when my fiance fell in love with the curly and unruly-haired girl ?!? I finally just had a distant relative mami do my hair (with chutti, jadai and such things) and madisar.

    And above all, I had a lot of fun on my wedding day - I didn't care about posing, laughed out loud when I felt like it (no acting like a coy bride), ate really well and even managed to take a power nap in the car when we were driving home for grihapravesam. Just ignore what anyone says and do what you want to. If people have a problem with it, its their worry not yours !

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  12. Congratulations on your engagement :) and try to have fun amidst the madness

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  13. Well said, Chutney! It is not important how you begin your journey, it is how good you cover it and reach the destination that really matters. I Pray Lord Hanuman to shower his choicest blessings on you. Asirwadams

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  14. Hey!

    Are You Indian? Are You traveler? Have You ever been in Europe... for exemple - in Poland? :)

    (sorry for my poor English, but my native language is Polish)

    You must see my beautiful country, old castles, amazing landscapes, delicious food, great people... and other more :) if You want know more about Poland let type EPIC POLAND in search-box on Facebook :) or here is link: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Epic-Poland/652932704723120?fref=ts

    And if You were ever in Poland, in Wroclaw city, I can help You :)

    Greetings from Poland!
    Oleg

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  15. Haha.. That was so much fun to read!

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  16. "it's just one day" sums it up all. Nicely written.

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  17. This is too informative. i like your post. thanks for share obat aborsi

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